[Tinn]

theshoelace, allow me to congratulate you on your story. It seems clear to me that your storytelling and characterisation has been improving as the plot has progressed, so pat yourself on the back for that.

Additionally, you have my admiration for tackling your chosen subject matter in the way you have. Given the great thematic distance between the content of Zelda and the BE based plot you're running, your interpretation of the different cannonical characters and their reactions to events is definitely more accurate than what I am capable of imagining.

I would like to make one suggestion about style, however: Try and avoid using the same description of something too often. It can seem repetitive, and worse, can sometimes make it hard to differentiate between climaxes of high tension and moments of calm, since the same style and pacing of language is used in each. I like your writing, but on the other hand, I've lost counts of the number of times you've mentioned the bouncing of Midna's breasts. I don't doubt it would be hard to ignore, but I wouldn't mind hearing about some other noticeable effect of her condition - how hard it is for her to sit up, for instance, or unexpected difficulties with her shadow magic.

Hmm... I got a bit carried away with my criticism, there. My apologies.
Your craftsmanship is careful and visibly improving, and my hat is off to you.