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merritstone · 04-29-2011

I would love to read the story in its true form. Is there a link?

I'm going to critique, but please don't take it personally. This is for constructive purposes only. I salute anyone sharing their fiction with the community at large.

Never read the script, but I followed the first half of the story (don't currently have an account). I really liked that you could get a sense of the larger tale, but sadly the details got *really* lost. The first couple of issues were particularly difficult to follow.

Examples:
1)The male character introduces himself as ALEX but Isabel calls him CASHA. Its a long time before we hear the brunette's name spoken by a character.

2)When they go to castle, tiny brunette is drawn much taller and bustier which seems OK because we just saw her drinking the SomaSeed Juice... so maybe she's bigger now. But she seems totally comprehending the new foreign culture she's been thrust into. And then she's reffered to as 'Isabel'. So maybe the artist just screwed up and drew the wrong girl in the wrong role. But then in the middle of the whipping scene we quickly cut to Isabel walking with the great sister in the hallway. I THINK the brunette's name is Julia.

3) The scene creating the artificial Soma Juice is hot, but who are these people and what do they have to do with anything that happened before in the story?

Maybe I missed a couple things here or there but the end result leaves the reader (or at least me) confused.

04-29-2011	#6
merritstone Frequent Poster Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 158	Re: Soma Seed I would love to read the story in its true form. Is there a link? I'm going to critique, but please don't take it personally. This is for constructive purposes only. I salute anyone sharing their fiction with the community at large. Never read the script, but I followed the first half of the story (don't currently have an account). I really liked that you could get a sense of the larger tale, but sadly the details got really lost. The first couple of issues were particularly difficult to follow. Examples: 1)The male character introduces himself as ALEX but Isabel calls him CASHA. Its a long time before we hear the brunette's name spoken by a character. 2)When they go to castle, tiny brunette is drawn much taller and bustier which seems OK because we just saw her drinking the SomaSeed Juice... so maybe she's bigger now. But she seems totally comprehending the new foreign culture she's been thrust into. And then she's reffered to as 'Isabel'. So maybe the artist just screwed up and drew the wrong girl in the wrong role. But then in the middle of the whipping scene we quickly cut to Isabel walking with the great sister in the hallway. I THINK the brunette's name is Julia. 3) The scene creating the artificial Soma Juice is hot, but who are these people and what do they have to do with anything that happened before in the story? Maybe I missed a couple things here or there but the end result leaves the reader (or at least me) confused.