[B-mage]

Wow, color me impressed with your response. I admit my way of summing up my impression of you was rather harsh and you came back with a very mature and level headed reply. I take back what I said about you personally.

However your writing still leaves me assuming you don't have much patience. I won't assume it says anything about your personality anymore, but I still get the impression from how you write that you are likely young.
You rush through the story at a breakneck pace. There is barely any character development in that at points throughout the story you have Candace, Vanessa, and Dr. D all just do what you want them to. They just agree to things they don't want to do, they conform to the role you have planned for them without any story devoted to how or why.
I've seen some of your stories and I know this "all girls turn into lesbians" thing is common for you. Now I'm not going to get into taste on that one, I enjoy the same thing from time to time too (I do prefer moderation on that area though) But for as much as you write it you never really explain it. Heterosexual girls don't just sleep beside a girl and decide they wanna be slobby sex partners. Maybe once in a very very very very rare occasion could this occur, but if you want it to happen 100% of the time you're going to need to stop and devote basic character development to the process. You need conflicting emotions and hard won choices made by both girls. Having them shrug and say "I love girls now" is just to be blunt, bad writing.
The lesbian aspect isn't the only area they were way too quick to agree to either. Both the vore and the slobby weight gain come out of nowhere. Again I'm not going to get into taste but you have girls eating insane amounts of food without any assistance and somehow not tearing their stomach open from the stuffing. In gluttony even a ravenous girl has her limits, if you have them eating more than humanly possible there needs to be attributing reasons why it doesn't kill her. Nor would she willingly eat like that to begin with without proper motivation or preparation. Dr. D literally tells her she will be a living weapon to eat the city and she doesn't laugh in his face or scream in protest and try to leave? You obliterate all character development and make her walking plot device with no personality when she just does whatever you want her to. You literally ignore the character that is established by the show you are writing for and shove some Mary Sue archetype into her mind so she acts and behaves as you need her to without writing why she is behaving this way, again it's bad writing. Vanessa goes on a date and realizes she smells like Candace: her reaction is going to be to try to leave before she embarrasses herself, maybe go confront Candace and tell her off. If Candace is captured by an evil scientist and forced to eat like a pig she isn't going to just start turning into a slob or willingly participate: she is going to refuse to eat and try to escape so long as there are no factors preventing her from doing so. You have to stop and consider what their natural behavior is and ensure that’s what they are trying to do, if you want to force them into situations then you need to make the forces aligned against them beyond their control, not just willingly jump in because you want them to go that way.
Lastly I'll touch on the vore. Now Vore is not something I am into, in fact when a story goes that way I usually just stop reading and find a new one to enjoy. But I know that there is soft and hard vore and I know how the human jaw works. Since you want soft you still have to deal with human limitations same as you do for stomach capacity. Even Perry would be too large for Candace to swallow whole much less fit in her stomach. This may be a cartoon but they aren't Looney Toons, they still behave like humans. She is never going to be able to just open her mouth and gulp someone whole. Even after becoming a blob of a girl near the end her jaw remains the same size as it did before. Vore is something that will not happen without special circumstances to permit it. Jaws would have to become elastic or people would need to be shrunken down before they will fit into someone's mouth. Furthermore even with the limitations removed and a girl able to eat someone whole, what kind of response is that for a girl to have if she is mad at her dad? Like it or not Vore is murder. Vanessa no matter how mad at her father isn't going to walk up to him and just flat out kill him. Even if we assume physics do not exist and people can open their mouths inhumanly wide and swallow massive meals too big for their stomach, you still have to contend wih developing a mindset for a girl where she is coldhearted enough to kill a person by eating them and feel no remorse or regret for her actions.

Now that’s just my two cents. I'm being harsh again but I do think you have it in you to improve. I think everyone can get better if they have a drive to do so. What I see here is very basic and rough around the edges, it has a lot of flaws and mistakes, but you can improve if you are willing to put in the effort.

However if cartoonish vore and one dimensional characters are just your cup of tea then by all means write whatever you want to wirte.