The Process Forum - View Single Post - My first story

martixy · 08-19-2014

It's an intriguing story for a first try.
I however can leverage some criticism.
Namely, the pacing seems off in quite a bit of places. And it seems a bit too verbose(so many "she"s).
Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of a world-building, but you seem to veer of on unnecessary tangents from time to time. For example - the church bit - it would have been enough to establish an interest in architecture with a paragraph at most. We certainly didn't need her entire life story right then and there.
There are typos and wrong words, but those are technicalities(I'm guessing english is not your primary language).

But do keep trying because that's the key to improving.

08-19-2014	#3
martixy Leecher Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 4	Re: My first story - Red Diamond It's an intriguing story for a first try. I however can leverage some criticism. Namely, the pacing seems off in quite a bit of places. And it seems a bit too verbose(so many "she"s). Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of a world-building, but you seem to veer of on unnecessary tangents from time to time. For example - the church bit - it would have been enough to establish an interest in architecture with a paragraph at most. We certainly didn't need her entire life story right then and there. There are typos and wrong words, but those are technicalities(I'm guessing english is not your primary language). But do keep trying because that's the key to improving. Last edited by martixy; 08-19-2014 at 05:37 PM.