Re: Tess's Potions
Try starting a new paragraph when different characters speak as opposed to mashing them all together into one giant paragraph. That creates a visual prompt for "<X> finished speaking and now <Y> is responding." It'll definitely help your readers distinguish between characters--and is very helpful when there are 3 or more characters speaking or doing things in the same scene.
I'm not a big fan of breaking the fourth wall (unless it's done well and integrates with the story), so I would put warnings/disclaimers/requests for feedback outside of the actual story, but... To each their own.
Still? Not a bad first outing, and I'm curious as to what happens in part 2!
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