Another Quicky Story: The Curse

[Rei-Lin]

And, again I flub and don't get to post the bigger stories I'm working on! Gomenasaiii~ *bow* But as usual I did have a little time to type up a quicky story for you all. I actually finished it yesterday but went off to sleep before posting it! >.< It would make more sense for a Halloween story I suppose, but in any case, here you go, it's short, it's sweet, it has sex and girls so yay! Enjoy!

[Esquire]

Aside from the lack of paragraph breaks, I liked it.

[Rei-Lin]

You might need to turn on word wrap to see the paragraph breaks or else I'm not sure why you didn't have any separations between paragraphs as mine has plenty of breaks. o.O

[humble.fool]

I think he's just commenting that your paragraphs are too long, not that they don't break up at all.

Also: pretty much every sentence is a run-on sentence. Slow down, spread out, and take a deep breath when you write/edit.

[The Evil Avator]

I like when she growls "ererrfr" as a surprise ending.