Locked Heart (Incomplete)

Magical_TG · 03-29-2009

I've been working on a new story baring similarities to the Course of the Heart. My attempt is not only to inject sex, but a good story as well. I've submitted a sampling of the work I've written so far. It's not bad in my opinion. Of course, I'm relying on your thoughts as well.

I believe I've found a fair balance in Chapter One. Take a read why don't you? I've submitted it in .PDF format. You'll need Acrobat Reader in order to read it.

Intro: Elliot finds a job, but after his first day he undergoes enigmatic changes.

Edit: Added .TXT for those who can't read PDFs.

frice2000 · 03-29-2009

Was an interesting story. I really don't understand the main character that well and where the story ended was a bit of a tease. I wish the transformation hadn't happened so abruptly and been done slowly and over time like your other work. Still seems like it'll be a good start to a new story.

Magical_TG · 03-29-2009

You'll need to wait till Chapter II to understand where I'm going. The transformation in itself is abrupt no doubt. I however, cheated. Trust me when I say there will be plenty of transformation (gradual) throughout the chapters.

Reif · 03-30-2009

Liking it so far, though I'll agree theres a lot of threads already up in the air for so early in the story, but I have no doubt the following chapters will be good.

Your TF is, as always, great.

Keep up the good work.

Magical_TG · 03-31-2009

Thank you, I like your work as well.

I keep the habit of transitioning with my stories faster. The modern reader needs a lot of 'carrot and stick' nowadays.

03-29-2009	#2
frice2000 "My way of thanking you" Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 401	Re: Locked Heart Was an interesting story. I really don't understand the main character that well and where the story ended was a bit of a tease. I wish the transformation hadn't happened so abruptly and been done slowly and over time like your other work. Still seems like it'll be a good start to a new story.

03-29-2009	#3
Magical_TG TG Author Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 43	Re: Locked Heart You'll need to wait till Chapter II to understand where I'm going. The transformation in itself is abrupt no doubt. I however, cheated. Trust me when I say there will be plenty of transformation (gradual) throughout the chapters. Last edited by Magical_TG; 03-30-2009 at 12:13 AM.

03-30-2009	#4
Reif Frequent Poster Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 223	Re: Locked Heart Liking it so far, though I'll agree theres a lot of threads already up in the air for so early in the story, but I have no doubt the following chapters will be good. Your TF is, as always, great. Keep up the good work.

03-31-2009	#5
Magical_TG TG Author Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 43	Re: Locked Heart Thank you, I like your work as well. I keep the habit of transitioning with my stories faster. The modern reader needs a lot of 'carrot and stick' nowadays.