looking for feedback on my first story

boomer2007 · 07-28-2013

hi all, I posted my first story at deviantart:

Goddess of power and change

it features FMG, mind control, uglyfication, BE, AR... please tell me your thoughts on it

godleydemon · 07-28-2013

I have to say, this was a rather splendid little read. I would have loved for it to be even longer with more transformations and to find out what happened next in the past as well. I really want to push you to write more! XD lol

Also, as a word of suggestion, although this contains many different transformations this is more for either ar/ap or breast expansion. I would also recommend you post it there, you'll get more exposure that way

boomer2007 · 08-02-2013

completed!

Goddess of power and change

CuddleBeam · 08-09-2013

Hrmpf. 2/5.

Possibly too harsh opinions below.

The prologue doesn't seem relevant enough to include, and there is just one "moment" of process for each character. That's not enough! They just change at one moment, then that's it. No more process. You can't fap to that - at least - I can't. The non-process scenes and such are OK, but there really needs to be more process. Maybe more growth spurts? Or maybe you could even out the process over a longer period of time?

There needs to be a constant barrage of sentances that turn me on to eventually push me over the top and make the story worth while.

Could potencially become much better.

07-28-2013	#1
boomer2007 Process Fan Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 44	first story: Goddess of power and change (FMG, BE, IB, MC, AR, ugly)) hi all, I posted my first story at deviantart: Goddess of power and change it features FMG, mind control, uglyfication, BE, AR... please tell me your thoughts on it Last edited by boomer2007; 08-02-2013 at 02:12 PM.

07-28-2013	#2
godleydemon Can I have a cookie Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Wasilla, Alaska, US Posts: 695	Re: looking for feedback on my first story I have to say, this was a rather splendid little read. I would have loved for it to be even longer with more transformations and to find out what happened next in the past as well. I really want to push you to write more! XD lol Also, as a word of suggestion, although this contains many different transformations this is more for either ar/ap or breast expansion. I would also recommend you post it there, you'll get more exposure that way __________________

08-02-2013	#3
boomer2007 Process Fan Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 44	first story: Goddess of power and change (FMG, BE, IB, MC, AR, ugly) completed! Goddess of power and change

08-09-2013	#4
CuddleBeam DO THE IMPOSSIBLE Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Spain Posts: 872	Re: looking for feedback on my first story Hrmpf. 2/5. Possibly too harsh opinions below. The prologue doesn't seem relevant enough to include, and there is just one "moment" of process for each character. That's not enough! They just change at one moment, then that's it. No more process. You can't fap to that - at least - I can't. The non-process scenes and such are OK, but there really needs to be more process. Maybe more growth spurts? Or maybe you could even out the process over a longer period of time? There needs to be a constant barrage of sentances that turn me on to eventually push me over the top and make the story worth while. Could potencially become much better. __________________ Thank you everyone! My Deviantart: http://cuddle-beam.deviantart.com/