The Game (Complete)

klyphlord · 06-05-2010

hey guys got back to my tg process roots.

catfish27 · 06-05-2010

Could have perhaps used another pass to clean up a few typos. Pretty good descriptions of the process, though (especially the clothes).

Just one issue I had with the plot: with the story taking place in the summer after high school, the basketball season would have been over for at least two and a half months (since mid-to-late March), but the dialogue seems to make it sound like Samson's last games were more recent than that.

klyphlord · 06-05-2010

I didn't pick up on that but now that you mention it...I've been exposed for the my basketball fan I am not. Typos I can never seem to get rid of. Usually I have other sources edit for me. This sensitive material however is kind of hard to find a proof reader for. Thanks all the same catfish I really appreciate your feedback.

DangerousCharles · 06-06-2010

Very impressive indeed.

blackshirtboy · 06-07-2010

incredible story. The transformation is wondrously descriptive and handled in a way I haven't seen before and the story is great. The only problem is the grammar, which is actually a rather large problem in this case XP

klyphlord · 06-07-2010

Thank you both for your feedback I always love to hear from people who have taken their time to read my story. Grammar is something I've always had a problem with and i know with every story with every draft it can only get better. Description has always been something that has been easy. As of now I am proofreading and will be submitting it to fictionmania. Again I appreciate all your feedback.

06-05-2010	#2
catfish27 Frequent Poster Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 441	Re: Tg Story By Klyphlord Could have perhaps used another pass to clean up a few typos. Pretty good descriptions of the process, though (especially the clothes). Just one issue I had with the plot: with the story taking place in the summer after high school, the basketball season would have been over for at least two and a half months (since mid-to-late March), but the dialogue seems to make it sound like Samson's last games were more recent than that.

06-05-2010	#3
klyphlord Dreamer of Big Women Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 21	Re: Tg Story By Klyphlord I didn't pick up on that but now that you mention it...I've been exposed for the my basketball fan I am not. Typos I can never seem to get rid of. Usually I have other sources edit for me. This sensitive material however is kind of hard to find a proof reader for. Thanks all the same catfish I really appreciate your feedback.

06-06-2010	#4
DangerousCharles Wannabe Superhero Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Bristol, UK Posts: 60	Re: Tg Story By Klyphlord Very impressive indeed. __________________ Believing I had supernatural powers, I slammed into a brick wall.

06-07-2010	#5
blackshirtboy Process Master Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 873	Re: Tg Story By Klyphlord incredible story. The transformation is wondrously descriptive and handled in a way I haven't seen before and the story is great. The only problem is the grammar, which is actually a rather large problem in this case XP __________________ Check out the comics I've got for sale over on http://blackshirtboy.com! Or check out my art blog at http://blogshirtboy.tumblr.com

06-07-2010	#6
klyphlord Dreamer of Big Women Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 21	Re: Tg Story By Klyphlord Thank you both for your feedback I always love to hear from people who have taken their time to read my story. Grammar is something I've always had a problem with and i know with every story with every draft it can only get better. Description has always been something that has been easy. As of now I am proofreading and will be submitting it to fictionmania. Again I appreciate all your feedback.