Sobek's Search for a Girlfriend (NSFW)

[Sobek]

Sobek was lounging on his gigantic golden throne. He has been doing this for several hours due to the sheer boredom he was facing. He decided to change this, so he stood up and walked out of his massive mansion like house near the Nile River in central Egypt and began his journey westward towards the North American continent. The gigantic 600 foot tall humanoid crocodile stomped across the barren sandy desert, eventually reaching the Atlantic Ocean where he slowly entered it, making sure to be very careful and not disturb any ships in the water or people on the beach as he did so. He didn’t want to bring any unnecessary attention to himself on his playful vacation away from his servants.

Meanwhile as the giant crocodile was making his way towards North America, a 500 foot tall female humanoid Niguana was lounging boredly on the beaches near Savannah Georgia on the southeast corner of the United States. She was wearing a blue tank top and camo cargo shorts. She also had a biohazard symbol tattoo on her right shoulder. She also had a big set of headphones in and she sighed and continued to listen to the album “Elect the Dead” by Serj Tankian. Serj was Hazerd’s favorite solo artist due to his lyrics about how America was corrupted. Most humans admit she was a very pretty looking Niguana, but don’t let that fool you! She was a very mean Niguana most of the time; however with the few giant reptiles and tinies that respected her, she was very sweet and protecting of them. Hazerd loved to go into cities and obliterate absolutely everything in them, leaving nothing standing in her very destructive wake. As the huge female sat up, she saw a whole bunch of tanks surrounding her, but also keeping their distance from the giant female. She growled darkly and said “Dang it… why can’t these lazy punks just learn their lesson. I mean, they come to me acting like I’m some mere mortal and I win every freaking time! Why don’t these cruddy pests just give up? They are seriously getting on my nerves!” She then whipped her long spiked tail around, causing some of the tanks on her rear flank to explode on impact. The other tanks then react by firing everything they had on her! Missiles impacted the womanly lizard’s hard scales without doing any damage to her at all. She then counterattacks by stomping on several tanks at once with both of her big 4 toed feetclaws. She then laughs and says ‘Bwahaha puny runts! Do you think those mere toys will stop me? Ha! You’re absolutely pathetic. Nothing you have will ever stop me. At all! You should just stop now, surrender, and bow down to your new goddess, Hazerd!” The military then stops and retreats and drives away from the huge female, not wanting to do any more casualties to their unit. Hazerd smirks and roars proudly before stomping northward up the east coast.

As Hazerd was making her destructive walk up into Charlotte, North Carolina, Sobek was wading his way across the Atlantic Ocean. The big ocean was very quiet even for this time of year. In fact, halfway through the trip, the deity only saw two cruise ships and a few cargo ships. He was even surprised not to see or feel a military ship of any kind during his trip. He shrugged and figured that his puppet government back in Egypt had done everything he asked to do in his best interests. He knew that there was a rebellion against the “puppet” president and he had to stop it. He figured that as long as he could get in touch with a fellow giant or giantess that was friendly, he could make the Egyptians do his bidding once more and “reconsider” their rebellion. He wanted to keep the peace in the Middle East that was in place since he was created 4,000 years ago. Ever since that bad day of September 11th of 2001 A.D. the Middle East has been slowly going out of the peaceful stage, into a more hostile and warlike status, and he knew that he needed a giant’s help in order to keep the peace in the Arabian part of the Earth. He saw land and a big city skyline at around noon and knew that he was near Boston, Massachusetts. The giant deity then sat down in the harbor and waited for something exciting to happen.

Meanwhile, Hazerd was making her way up the eastern seaboard. By this point it was about 4pm Eastern Time and the warm sun that the giant Niguana enjoyed so much was still high in the sky. There were no clouds to be found either so she was very happy. In fact Hazerd was so happy that she was toothily grinning, which made her look even scarier to the tiny humans that tried to run away from her huge sweaty and gory feetclaws. They were caked in blood and debris while dripping in musky Niguana sweat that smelled horrid. The humans that were unlucky enough to become trapped in between her toes were destined to perish a long and painful death as they were succumbed to the forces that were Hazerd’s very strong toe muscles as they squeezed the runts to a pulp in the matter of 20 to 25 minutes, but to the tinies it seemed like hours or even days because Hazerd took her time with her big footsteps that caused the ground to quake like a 5.5 earthquake each time they landed with a booming thud! She screeched happily and said “Hmm…. I wonder what my afternoon snack will be.” She then saw a big line of traffic gridlocked on Interstate 77 leading southbound just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina and grinned evilly before saying “I think I shall have these puny mortals for a snack! I’m way faster than their fastest one of their species on any given day so it’ll be fun for me to toy around with these foolish mortals!” She then got on her hands and knees before crawling on the ground with her big maw wide open. She used her long reptilian tongue to eat hundreds of humans at once. They weren’t even one one-hundredth of her height so she could fit lots of humans in her cavernous maw with ease. She gulped down the humans in her mouth with a satisfying, yet scary deep rumble originating from deep in her gigantic belly and says “Mmmm! You runts taste delicious. I wonder why I didn’t start eating you humans earlier. You are so slow too so you make for an easy meal. Oh well, I suppose the chasing you all part is fun too.” The huge Niguana female then shrugged with an evil smirk and said “Well it is for me anyway! Hehe” Hazerd then reached down to her portable music player and switched the song to “Borders Are” by Serj Tankian. She then resumed eating the traffic and fleeing tiny humans with an awesome looking smirk on her face. Hazerd was obviously enjoying her mealtime hunt, as her tail was excitedly flicking to her left and right.

About 2 hours later at 6pm Eastern Time, the giant female reptile then feels full. As such, she stands up and pats her flat belly and growls happily. She stomps into downtown Charlotte and grins toothily as she stomps on more tanks that try to stop her blitzkrieg type rampage in the city. She then uses her long Niguana tail to obliterate 4 more skyscrapers. This destructive rampage causes the puny humans to run in fear from the towering reptile. She looks down and roars evilly in a dark tone of voice and says in a demonic fashion “That’s right runts, run from me. You have no courage in your brains at all to face me and be my friend! So just try and escape me. Of course that won’t fare well for you as I’ll just end up destroying you anyway you crappy cowardly runts!”

Hazerd then left the decimated city of Charlotte and continued on her northbound trip. It was now 7pm Eastern time and she reached the Appalachian Mountains. The big female then took a deep breath of the cold fresh mountain air and grinned happily. She then said “Ahhh….. I love going to the mountains. It’s so pretty at sunset! Plus me being in the skyline sure doesn’t hurt either. I just hope to see another giant sometime on my northward journey! I miss the company of another huge being like me! It certainly does make rampaging fun!” As the darkness fell over the eastern half of the United States, Hazerd put on her night vision and thermal goggles as she knew that her journey would be a dark one until she reached Washington D.C.

It took the giant Niguana a few hours of slow careful stomping but she finally reached the outskirts of the capitol of the USA around 9:30pm. Hazerd then waded into the Potomac River and stomped through the Woodrow Wilson Memorial Bridge on the southern side of the city. Next stop for the huge female was the Ronald Regan International Airport. She snickered evilly as she grabbed a Boeing 747 from Southwest Airlines full of passengers and snapped it in half before taking the pilot’s half and eating it. After that she took the half that included the fuel tank and sat on it. When the evil female did that, she felt the warmth of the resulting fire filled explosion on her butt and this feeling of power made her very happy. She then stood up, brushed off her rump and smirked before continuing on her devastating tour of Washington D.C. She bypassed the White House out of respect for the US President. The huge Niguana did not show quite the same mercy for the US Capitol building however. She took off the rotunda and tossed it into the Potomac River. She then grabbed all of the congress people and said to them in a dark, devil like tone “Wow…. Look! I literately hold all of the power of the so called USA in my fist! Gee…. I guess I can solve all the crappy problems with this country right now. I mean let’s face reality really quickly here before I get bored of your lies and false pleas to let you go and the crap like that. Truth of the matter is that all you do is fight. Congress fights with the House of Representatives and vice versa. After that both houses fight the president. What does that tell the people of this supposed united country? Simple… it tells them that fighting does nothing to get bills and laws passed. You puny runts are like my digestive system after I eat too many people from Brazil and Mexico: all stopped up and fighting everything, only to get one massive bill at the last minute just before everything in this country goes down in flames! Now, after I eat all…. Six hundred and some odd number… the exact count doesn’t matter to me now, nor will it matter to my stomach… this country will be way better. Heck it will be a perfect one once I find my mate and make this government just a puppet one that I’m the one who’s truly leading it! Anyway my stomach has been delayed long enough, time to eat!” With that speech done the suited up people scream in terror and fear as they get dropped all at once into Hazerd’s dark scary looking maw. Some of the tinies try to escape by hanging on to her sharp teeth, but that lead to a quick and painful death as they were crushed to a bloody pulp between her sharp, voracious reptilian teeth. Meanwhile the congress people that tried to delay their dismal and dark fate by going underneath Hazerd’s long, forked tongue only get found by the moving wet fleshy muscle and swallowed down her big esophagus down into her stomach. Once there, the puny humans get slowly and painfully digested in Hazerd’s radioactive stomach along with her previous meal. First they get every cancer known to man due to the extreme amount of radiation in her digestive juices. That’s only the start of their problems however as their hair falls off and all of their metallic items melt and wither away. Next comes the decomposition of their skin and about 2 hours after they were eaten, all of the tiny humans die after swallowing too much of the giant female’s stomach liquids, which caused all of their body systems to shut down simultaneously, causing their gruesome death to finally take place.

Hazerd then continued northbound but this time she chose to go off into Chesapeake Bay. Her big body caused massive wakes behind her as she waded through the belly deep water by the time she got into the Atlantic Ocean. She then looked down at her music player and turned the song to “B.Y.O.B” by System of a Down. The huge Niguana then hummed the famous song to herself as she continued her northbound journey past Baltimore, Maryland. At 11pm, Hazerd finally reached the Boston Harbor and it was there she got curious. She saw another giant figure just sprawled out in the water with his muscular legs crossed. She growled happily and said to the giant male crocodile while turning off her music player and taking the headphones out of her massive pointed ears “Well hello there studly man…. What is a hot thing like you doing in a cold place like Boston?” The godly male grinned and said “I am taking a vacation from leading Egypt and enjoying my time here in the USA. Say…. What’s your name? You look stunning in that tank top and cargo shorts.” The Niguana giggled and responded with a deep blush and said “Thanks sweetie pie. I love these clothes I have on. My name is Hazerd. What’s yours, stud muffin?” The huge crocodile flexed his strong biceps and said “Nice to meet you Hazerd. My name is Sobek. Yes, I am that Sobek. The one and only Sobek who is the God of the Nile. I will soon become God of all of the weather on this planet, maybe within the next day or two and I will be so powerful that I could rule the Earth alone... but I am looking for a mate to share my power with and hopefully be happy to be around. Hopefully you’re looking for a mate too?”

Hazerd smiled cheerfully and said “Yes, I sure am looking for a mate to be with for all eternity. You look like my type of man. You’re big, strong, tough and have that potential to be very evil towards the tiny runts of human flesh. We’re going to get along very well together it sounds like!”

The two giant reptilians hugged in a loving embrace with deep growls before separating and saying “Say…. Since it’s getting late don’t you want to sleep somewhere around here?” Sobek nodded and said “Yes, sure. Let’s go sleep in the forest and leave Boston alone.”

The duo then go back into the harbor’s waters and follow the coastline until they reach a quiet forest near Quantico Military Base. It is in that park where Sobek and Hazerd choose to stay and sleep for the night. Sobek prepares the open area for their slumber by snapping his fingers and making a big double blanket sleeping bag with two massive pillows magically appear in front of them. Sobek then puts on his usual sleeping attire which is just his divine purple speedo. Hazard smirks at Sobek and says “Do you mind if I borrow your godly purple robe? I have some sweat pants that I wear for sleeping but unfortunately I forgot to bring something for my torso half of my body. I wasn’t planning on sleeping this far north….” Sobek kindly shushed his cute female companion and said “Say no more honeybun. You of course may borrow my robe. I understand you need extra clothes for you to properly slumber in so go ahead and take it. It is amazingly warm and cozy. You’ll like it, my sweet lady of an Niguana.” Hazerd then put on the robe and kissed Sobek in a loving manner before saying “Thank you cute chivalrous manly crocodile! I appreciate your kind and caring ways towards me. I’ve never had a male friend before, let alone one that went so far to think of my needs before his own.”

The deity smiled happily and said to the Niguana “You’re welcome. I personally like how you’re treating me. When I saw you on the world news from my Egyptian home, all I saw was a mean angry Niguanaess who seemed not to care for anything at all. I saw you obliterate cities within the matter of hours. In most cases you’d have lots of tiny men bowing down to you like a goddess or something divine like that before you extinguished their lives underneath your feet, your cute rump, your tough handclaws or even your lovely feetclaws, but you didn’t care for them. You just had that look that said “I’m here for my own benefit. You all are bugs to me. Worthless puny bugs that aren’t even worth a moment of my time.” Alas, now when I look at your hot reptilian figure on the outside, I see a loving, kind and playful female on the inside who knows who she should care about in her life. I love that. Maybe we should go on a date and see if we were really meant for each other…. if you don’t mind ma’am.” Hazerd giggled as she saw her manly friend blush and said “Awww….. I find that a wonderful idea Sobek! You are a nice yet dominant man, which I like to see. Still, I think we should get to know each other better and a date is the perfect way to do that. I accept your date offer, my humble, yet cocky stud of a god.” She then winked playfully and gave Sobek’s firm butt a light slap with a soft womanly giggle. Sobek responded by growling happily and gently tacking his new date onto the pre made bed. They both then laughed and yawned before falling asleep under the covers and the slight light of a bright full moon.

The next morning, Sobek growled groggily and stared into the sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean. He grinned to himself and slowly got out of the sleeping bag without disturbing his NNiguana date. Sobek then stood up and stretched out his muscular arms and flexed his huge 6 pack abs with a soft grunt. After that the deity relaxed his muscles and spent the next hour looking at the sunrise. While Sobek was doing that, his girlfriend yawned, got out of bed, took off Sobek’s robe as well as her sweat pants, and finally put on her tank top and cargo shorts. The giantess then grinned and stood beside her cute boyfriend as they both looked at the colorful sunrise in between the trees. The sun’s rays made their scales glow a golden hue of color and both of the giant lizards loved that look. Hazerd then hugs Sobek and says “Good morning, my lovely stud! “ He giggles and says as he kisses Hazerd on her lips “Well… great morning to you too sweetie! Do you want anything for breakfast before we head off someplace for some fun?” The huge female smirks and says “No, I want to save my empty belly for lunch. More food means more tinies to terrorize!” Sobek grins in a demonic way and says “That is a good point, my lizard lady. I think I shall skip breakfast too. Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up getting a sexy gut from this and look like one of those sexy musclegut type sumos! Speaking of which….” He giggles, winks at Hazerd and then snaps his fingers. This causes his body to slowly transform from all green colored scales to scales of a red color with white scales on his belly and torso. His clothing stays the same and stays on him during this transformation from a totally muscular crocodile into a chubby musclegut figured Growlmon. He grins and says to the female “So… what do you think of me now?” Hazard thrums thoughtfully and taps her foot while slowly eyeing up every bit of the Digimon. She then stops doing that and says “Meh… I like it, but I prefer your original form more since it looks about 20 percent cooler. No offence meant though stud. I actually think that Growlmons are an awesome species from the Digi-universe along with Exveemons and WarGreymons. I met an Exveemon in a… red speedo I believe it was… It very well could have been purple though... I don’t remember though sadly. Anyway he was a complete jerk, unlike all of the other Exveemons I’ve met. I kicked his ass though. He was coated in bruises after the citywide fight we did in Osaka, Japan. I’m sure after he met you though…. He’d be dead!” Sobek transforms back into his original form and snickers sadistically before saying in a dismal voice that had every hint of evil and malice in it “Oh… if I got my hands on that freaking idiot…. He’d be dead for sure! My human friend, Tom hates him for sure! Of course he has his own reasons but since I still feel his emotional pain as I am the inspiration for his character and I should know this since we talk in his dream state when he is asleep. Still… that Exveemon would be very… very much dead if I ever saw him! Would I regret it? Nope! He deserves every pounding I would give him! Bwa ha ha ha!” The female reptile smirks playfully and says “Wow…. What an evil dark beast! I like that motivation you have to decimate all life... both giant and tiny! It’s wonderful!” Sobek grins happily and says with a cheerful sigh “Oh my dear girlfriend, it sure is a beautiful concept to behold.”

The duo of macros then smiles lovingly at each other and end up staring for a long time. This seemingly frozen moment in time lasts for a half hour before Sobek smiles and says ‘How about we go northwest towards Lake Erie? I have a nice surprise for you there my sweet honeyguana. Teehee!” The NNiguana replies with a curious smile and says “Ok, I hope this surprise is epic!” Sobek replies with a giggle of his own and says “Oh, I’m sure you’ll love it, hon.”

After a few hours of walking through the forest, the pair of macros reach the warm sunny beach near Lake Erie in New York. Due to the state of emergency that was issued by both the President that covered all of the United States, the normally crowded beach was barren and empty except for a few crazy humans who were thrill seekers and wanted desperately to say that they lived through a close encounter of the macro kind. These tiny humans got a great view as the duo of giant anthros took off their everyday attire and left on their assorted beach going attire. For Sobek that was his signature purple speedo. Hazerd was in her usual striped green, yellow, orange and red, colored and striped skimpy two piece bikini. It was noon so the giant creatures weren’t going to be cold or uncomfortable due to the warm temperatures as the weather conditions in the area were a balmy 83 degrees under sunny skies.

Sobek then giggled and said “Ok, my cute girlfriend, here comes the surprise!” Hazerd smiled happily and said “Ohh… this is awesome!” Sobek then snapped his thumb and forefinger on his left hand and from nowhere a giant purple picnic cloth appeared on the beach along with a few plates of spicy cheese nachos, a grain silo full of crab rangoons, a big plate of cheesecake and 2 big bottles full of Dr. Pepper. Sobek then smiled at the female reptile and said “This is my surprise gift for you: a date lunch fit for a goddess! As the duo sat down and ate their lunch, Hazard said “Wow Sobek! I’m happily surprised by this picnic lunch you’ve made appear for us. It is wonderful for a deity like you to do such a kind and sweet thing for me. I really appreciate it, honestly!” Sobek nodded with a smile before saying “Hey, I’m just trying to be a good friend here.” The giant female Niguana replied “Oh you’re acting like more than a generous and nice boyfriend now. You’re starting to act like we’re officially mated or something!” before giggling and winking with her left eye.

When they finished their lunch picnic feast, the pair of cute reptiles patted their full bellies and sighed. They then fell asleep while letting the sun warm their scaly skin and their food digest. The pair of huge anthros woke up several hours later at around 7 pm eastern time. As they yawned, stretched their arms and sat up, they saw a crowd of people that surrounded them while they slept. Sobek smiled warmly and said “Wow…. It looks like we have a lot of loyal worshippers near us.” He then grinned warmly down at the tinies and said “Don’t worry, worshippers, we won’t hurt you or kill you. We shall in fact reward you by first, giving you food and then sparing your worthy city of Erie, Pennsylvania that is relatively nearby to our current location.” Sobek snapped his fingers and a bowl big enough to fit in every human’s lap appeared filled with crab rangoons, grapes and soda.” The crowd all bowed down to the deity and his girlfriend and said simultaneously “Oh great deities, we humbly thank you for your merciful kindness. We shall never do any wrong to you ever!” The big circle of tiny humans then disbanded their worship circle and went back to their vehicles before driving off and waving a friendly goodbye to the two gargantuan reptilians.

As twilight swooped over the area, Sobek and Hazerd put their clothes back on and stood up. They then walked in a south-southwesterly direction. As they walked through the forested region that was west central Pennsylvania, the huge NNiguana smiled in a playful way and said “So…. after that mere tiny bit of random kindness, what’s next on the list?” The studly crocodile smiled and said “I think it’s time for our dinner date and an outing to the Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Arizona Cardinals NFL football game. I also have a surprise for you too there.”

An hour later, the two giant creatures reached the metropolis of Pittsburgh. When they reached Heinz Field, they sat down cross-legged next to each other on the east side of the stadium. As the duo of huge beings sat down with a gentle thud as their butts collided with the ground, a formation of F-18’s zoomed by their snouts. They giggled and said “Wow…. That gust of wind tickled our noses.” They then turned their heads and sneezed into the Allegheny River. When their snot hit the water, it caused the water to turn a murky, disgusting green color all the way through the river. Even the nearby Ohio River turned green from the potent shot of reptile mucus filled snot. After that, a tiny humanoid lion climbed onto the roof of one of the press boxes and faced the two huge beings. Hazerd smiled curiously and said “Well, well! Aren’t you a brave little lion? What’s your name and why are you here?” The tiny fat lion growled and said as he pulled out a small switchblade “What the fuck are you doing with my friend? I hope you haven’t hypnotized him or some crazy weirdo shit like that! I will cut you up like a cactus and then shove a bunch of them up your ass, you crappy female lizard! Oh and the name’s Albert by the way. Albert Spolotore. Professional asshole.” The lion kept a very serious and dark look on his face as he pointed the small knife at the huge female’s calf area of her right leg. Hazerd giggled and said “Oh, I’m not doing anything of that sort. In fact your friend is also my date for the night. He has been nothing but kind and an awesome guy to hang out with. You know what Albert? I think you should be proud of Sobek here for getting to be with a cute female like me.” As the giantess finished her reply, the small lion calmed down and put away his dangerous looking weapon back into his blue jeans and said “Oh… I’m sorry for the ill and sour welcome. It’s just that anytime I see someone with my friend, I think back to that time that a giant female bee hypnotized one of Sobek’s friends. He was a golden western dragon with two big sexy tails and he somehow managed to control his rage and break the bee’s spell she cast on him to thwart her evil plans to take over the world. Yup. King Ghidorah and I are friends now, but not quite the friends with benefits that he is with Sobek there. Hurhur!” He snickered and playfully hopped onto Sobek’s lap. Meanwhile Hazerd giggled and said “Wow… someone likes to be kinky!” Sobek blushed and playfully tailslapped his date in the face with a smirk of his own. Albert scampered onto Sobek’s right shoulder and said “So…. aren’t you going to eat anything on your date that your spending visiting in this fine city I live in?” The stud nodded and said “Oh yes we are!” He then snapped his fingers and three bowls big enough for each to eat appeared full with a big T-bone steak with a side of mashed potatoes, country gravy (yes, that’s white gravy) and a big helping of macaroni and cheese. Of course as the two macros ate, some of their food plopped out of their utensils and mouths right onto the grassy football field, the players, referees, crowd and media below. The macros’ food spillage madness caused the football game to be stopped 9 times: The first came with 13:24 left in the first quarter when a referee got fully coated in gravy. The second came with ten minutes left in the first quarter when a few of the players got knocked down by cheesy noodles that fell off of Sobek’s spoon. The noodles were so big that cranes needed to be hauled into the stadium in order for the rescued. Luckily nobody was injured in that incident. The third delay was with 4:40 left in the second quarter when a bit of mashed potato covered a big patch of the field between the 20 yard line and the end zone right as the Steelers were going to receive a punt. This caused the jet dryers to be pushed onto the field to clean up the moist goopy mess at a faster rate. Luckily this wasn’t a NASCAR race and Juan Pablo Montoya wasn’t anywhere near the stadium to run into aforementioned jet dryer with his high powered race car. That impact between both cars would have caused both vehicles to go up in a ball of explosive flames a la what happened at the 2012 Coke Zero 400 at Daytona International Speedway located at Daytona Beach, Florida. The fourth delay was caused at the beginning of the third quarter when Sobek smirked and decided to piss on the field, coating it completely in about 2 feet of musky urine. The natural drainage took care of the flooding in about an hour. The fifth delay was caused with twelve minutes left to go in the third quarter by Hazerd getting aroused. She casually took off her clothes, squatted like a sumo wrestler with her big pussy looming over the stadium, and began to masturbate using a large size dragon dildo she bought from BadDragon.com. Within half an hour she pulled the sex toy out, clenched her moist hot and musky pussy and orgasmed with a mighty, deafening roar. Her musky feminine lizard spunk coated the stadium in copious amounts that were unfathomable to most humans. Of course the stadium janitors were stubborn and said “The game must be played on this night. Damn it.” and at around 1am they had the stadium fully clean. The sixth delay came with nine minutes left to go in the third quarter when some soda spilled onto the field like a heavy, very cold rain shower. The seventh delay was caused with 5 minutes left to go in the third quarter when Sobek accidently got a bit too playful with Hazerd’s bouncy breasts and caused them to release their milk all over the field and some of the fans. The group of about 40 or so drunken male and lesbian female fans cheered for the giantess lizard to give them some more tit-milk but when none came, they died from depression related suicide underneath Hazerd’s big feet when they squished them to a pulp on the hard parking lot pavement. The eighth delay was caused by a big pile of vanilla cheesecake landing on all of the players, causing them to all go to the locker rooms and get cleaned up while the field was cleaned off. The final delay was caused by a big spill of vodka caused by Sobek tipping the rest of his shot glass he wanted to give to his date but then swallowed most of the alcoholic drink before tipping the rest onto the field, drenching it instantly.

All in all, it was a fun game to watch with the game being stretched out from a typical three hour time frame to an 8 hour fiasco due to the delays. However, after all of the delays and wild shit that happened, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Arizona Cardinals 21 to 14 on a 3 yard run that Ben Roethlisberger did with 3 seconds left in the game.

After the game, Albert said “Do you want to relax at my place? You two must be very tired after a long day together, right?” The two giant reptiles nodded with a big yawn at the tiny lion and said simultaneously “Sure!” The pair of giants then slowly shrank to Albert’s size, walked over to his car. The car was a pink 2003 Dodge Ram 1500 Laramie Twin Cab with fifteen hundred horsepower in it. The short lion put in the System of a Down CD Mesmerize, put the CD on the song “Old School Hollywood” and blared that song as loud as he could handle it while speeding towards his house in the Little Oakland borough of Pittsburgh. After parking the car, the trio entered his house and Albert showed the two soul mates their bedroom. Right as Albert was going to close the room’s door, Sobek pulled out a box from Kay Jewelers. The crocodile then got on one knee and said “Hazerd, you are the one creature in my life who truly understands me. We get along so well and I think we were made for each other. Alas, it is now that I have decided to make my move and ask for your hand in engagement, and also in marriage. So I humbly ask, as god of the Nile, Hazerd. Will you marry me and be my lovely wedded wife?” The Niguana starts to cry and nods as she puts on the ring with a shaky fingerclaw. She then kisses Sobek and says “Of course I will marry you Sobek. You also complete my life and I would take no other man to be my husband and mate. We shall be together through and through.” Albert smiled happily as he took all this wonderfulness in with a happy smile, said to himself “That was cute.” and closed the door.

After they, settled down, Sobek and Hazerd sighed peacefully and turned off the lights before climbing into bed under the covers and falling asleep holding each other in a warm, happy embrace with one another’s hands on each other’s sides at their torsos.

[Kyutetsuki]

What in the nine circles of hell did I just read I don't even

[Sobek]

Originally Posted by Kyutetsuki

What in the nine circles of hell did I just read I don't even

Furries. Now either handle it maturely or move on and let the furries & furry tolerant people comment.

[vincent_richter]

Please, for the love of all things holy, do not excuse subpar writing by claiming fursecution.
There are times when that is an appropriate response; replying to confusion over specsheets masquerading as creativity is not one of them.
If you truly wish to improve your craft, think about how you can relate the sexuality of a piece of hardware without resorting to - and here I'm dating myself - Tim Taylor "arrr-arrr-ARRRR!!!" shenanigans.

Honestly, this could be Shakespeare for all I know; my interest in it went right out the window when the real-world references far outweighed the fantasy. It shattered the illusion, and I can't believe you don't find that jarring.

Although, much of that issue could probably be solved by replacing product placement terms - brands, team names, logos and such - with generic references or better descriptors.

"The pair wandered to his (salmon? DayGlo Pink? Sun-faded Barbie Dream House?) (pickup, truck, rig, other love interest), its supercharged might barely restrained by the bounds of the ignition." All but maybe one of the original descriptors is superfluous, but the original intent - relaying that he possesses an ironically-colored truck that could eat us all alive - is not lost.

Explore the space you're given; crack a thesaurus or dictionary to look for similar ways to relay the same intent; avoid stale repetition and you'll draw more interest.

Incidentally, and on this I should've said something sooner, primarily male-centric content should go to Everything Else, with limited exceptions. The Growth subforum is meant for female or couples at the time being, so yes - despite asking ahead of time, you may still see some irate responses.

[Kitran]

Your story looks like a game of Mad Libs gone horribly wrong. Every element seemed so generic and lacked character. First, as said before, the real world references were completely unneeded and distracted from the story. Could have easily said that they were moving up the coast or just watching a football game without needing to pull out unnecessary names like the teams or the names of military bases. It wasn't important to the story. Second, there wasn't any depth to the story. For example, there was no backstory as why there were giant reptiles or niguana (which I had to look up in the urban dictionary because this term was never explained in the story) at all. Even the paragraph structure wasn't great, but I can usually look past that if the story was decent, which in this case, it was not. Finally, the comment about this being a furry story kinda insults me, and I am a furry. This story didn't scream or even whisper 'furry' to me and the fact that you used that as an excuse to avoid criticism from your readers is rude and disrespectful both from a reader's aspect and a fellow author's aspect. The reason you decided to share this story was probably because you thought it was good and wanted to hear the opinions of your fellow forum mates. But you have to be respectful to all comments and critiques, be them positive or negative.

[vincent_richter]

Originally Posted by Kitran

Your story looks like a game of Mad Libs gone horribly wrong. Every element seemed so generic and lacked character. First, as said before, the real world references were completely unneeded and distracted from the story. Could have easily said that they were moving up the coast or just watching a football game without needing to pull out unnecessary names like the teams or the names of military bases. It wasn't important to the story. Second, there wasn't any depth to the story. For example, there was no backstory as why there were giant reptiles or niguana (which I had to look up in the urban dictionary because this term was never explained in the story) at all. Even the paragraph structure wasn't great, but I can usually look past that if the story was decent, which in this case, it was not. Finally, the comment about this being a furry story kinda insults me, and I am a furry. This story didn't scream or even whisper 'furry' to me and the fact that you used that as an excuse to avoid criticism from your readers is rude and disrespectful both from a reader's aspect and a fellow author's aspect. The reason you decided to share this story was probably because you thought it was good and wanted to hear the opinions of your fellow forum mates. But you have to be respectful to all comments and critiques, be them positive or negative.

Wait wait wait... he used "niguana" in a serious story? Fuck it, I'm done. That'd be like using chinkodactyl or spickraffe to the same end, and if he really is a fur, he should be proud that he's another example of why people hate furries.

If more of 'em were reasonable, like you, there'd be no bad trend to buck.

[Sobek]

If you have an issue over the species name, please bring it up with:

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/thatgreenmonster

She has a Niguana sona. (Niguana is a weed infused iguana. Dont bash the messager, go bash the creator.)

[Sobek]

(Lag...)

[Clevens]

Originally Posted by Sobek

Furries. Now either handle it maturely or move on and let the furries & furry tolerant people comment.

Furries are bad enough, but your attitude, and this miscategorized story are worse.

[Kyutetsuki]

Weed-infused iguana?



...this is a prime example of why drugs are bad for you.

[vincent_richter]

Originally Posted by Sobek

If you have an issue over the species name, please bring it up with:

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/thatgreenmonster

She has a Niguana sona. (Niguana is a weed infused iguana. Dont bash the messager, go bash the creator.)

No, fuck you.
You're using the term, so you're propagating the idea that it needs to be used.

It's like saying that Dumbo needed a rousing musical number, so how dare anyone criticize Song of the Roustabouts?

You don't get away with saying "hey, not my term" to excuse lazy writing, especially when you're claiming to be part of one of the most historically hypersensitive communities in existence today. Take a firehose to the face, then tell people it's because you're a furry, not the other way around (tempting fate).

[Kitran]

Originally Posted by vincent_richter

No, fuck you.
You're using the term, so you're propagating the idea that it needs to be used.

It's like saying that Dumbo needed a rousing musical number, so how dare anyone criticize Song of the Roustabouts?

You don't get away with saying "hey, not my term" to excuse lazy writing, especially when you're claiming to be part of one of the most historically hypersensitive communities in existence today. Take a firehose to the face, then tell people it's because you're a furry, not the other way around (tempting fate).

Couldn't have said it better myself, Vincent.

Also, Sobek, I don't really don't think a niguana is a weed infused iguana. I think you need to Google the term if you really believe your definition. Either way, I don't think it was appropriate to use in your story unless you were going to explain in the story what it is and why it was called that.