Irony

Juroko · 02-16-2009

Hello. My name is Juroko.

This is my first post here and my first bit of fiction.

I decided to do something different and I want to see what you think, so please give me your thoughts on it.

I'll try to reply to it and I might make more on the idea if it's liked.

jolem · 02-16-2009

All right the Transformation seems fine, but kind of short too, I mean really short. Story's all right too.

Edit: What you need is more detail on the transformation, IF the transformation part of the story is actually your goal/key point in that story.

sodacat · 02-16-2009

I can think of several english teachers of mine who would be screaming bloody murder over your conversational prose style. A more formal style would make for a stronger story.

jolem · 02-16-2009

Maybe, maybe not, it still depends on your target audience too. Though I think we can all agree on that most people don't like mispellings. Personally it sort of felt more realistic to me. ^^;

Juroko · 02-17-2009

I'm not fond of the traditional style of things. It always seems far too dry cut and simple when done wrong and doesn't seem to give any emotion other than those caused by the transformation(but those are caused in the pants). I prefer story telling and informal speech in my works because it gives more emotion and can give the story a life on it's own.

I did this as kind of a take that on the standard transformation story where some poor guy gets targeted by a witch, wizard, god, force of nature for no other reason than the magic user is spiteful or has a sick sense of humor.

I was planning on him to face off against other transformers in other fields like AR, TG, and Inanimate. Maybe BE as well against a love goddess with a Yaoi fetish to get the fan girls to hate me(Side note: I mean as a sort of take that against the standard Yaoi stuff. I would never do such a thing.)

hellraider2006 · 02-17-2009

I like it. The Plot is a good one and the overall length is perfect as well. The mental tf is something that wasn?t necessary. Being traped inside the own mind/forced to act like a cat would have been better but that is just my opinion.

sodacat · 02-17-2009

Well if you're going to make your narrator a character, then give them some character. Take advantage of your format! Grab it by the neck and show it your backhand of creativity! It'll respect you for it later.

jolem · 02-17-2009

That's good advice, but I can't give you mine just yet. As you know what part of the story I actually read at that time.

02-16-2009	#2
jolem Process Disciple Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,494	Re: Irony All right the Transformation seems fine, but kind of short too, I mean really short. Story's all right too. Edit: What you need is more detail on the transformation, IF the transformation part of the story is actually your goal/key point in that story.

02-16-2009	#3
sodacat Calling from the New Era Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 3,005	Re: Irony I can think of several english teachers of mine who would be screaming bloody murder over your conversational prose style. A more formal style would make for a stronger story.

02-16-2009	#4
jolem Process Disciple Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,494	Re: Irony Maybe, maybe not, it still depends on your target audience too. Though I think we can all agree on that most people don't like mispellings. Personally it sort of felt more realistic to me. ^^;

02-17-2009	#5
Juroko Leecher Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3	Re: Irony I'm not fond of the traditional style of things. It always seems far too dry cut and simple when done wrong and doesn't seem to give any emotion other than those caused by the transformation(but those are caused in the pants). I prefer story telling and informal speech in my works because it gives more emotion and can give the story a life on it's own. I did this as kind of a take that on the standard transformation story where some poor guy gets targeted by a witch, wizard, god, force of nature for no other reason than the magic user is spiteful or has a sick sense of humor. I was planning on him to face off against other transformers in other fields like AR, TG, and Inanimate. Maybe BE as well against a love goddess with a Yaoi fetish to get the fan girls to hate me(Side note: I mean as a sort of take that against the standard Yaoi stuff. I would never do such a thing.) Last edited by Juroko; 02-17-2009 at 08:47 AM.

02-17-2009	#6
hellraider2006 Frequent Poster Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Germany Posts: 246	Re: Irony I like it. The Plot is a good one and the overall length is perfect as well. The mental tf is something that wasn?t necessary. Being traped inside the own mind/forced to act like a cat would have been better but that is just my opinion.

02-17-2009	#7
sodacat Calling from the New Era Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 3,005	Re: Irony Well if you're going to make your narrator a character, then give them some character. Take advantage of your format! Grab it by the neck and show it your backhand of creativity! It'll respect you for it later.

02-17-2009	#8
jolem Process Disciple Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,494	Re: Irony That's good advice, but I can't give you mine just yet. As you know what part of the story I actually read at that time.