National Suicide Prevention Helpline 1-800-273-8255

[tjlemke]

Just found out if I take enough cough syrup I'll most likely die of serotonin syndrome due to my antidepressants. Life sucks it hurts a lot, strongly in favor of dieing that way rather then heart failure years later. Fuck living it sucks.

[vincent_richter]

Please don't.
I just spent a week puking my guts out, taking so much OTC it's not funny.
It doesn't seem like it now, but things do get better.

Don't give up.

[tghawk555]

But if you die, there's so many things you'll never see or do. Like eating the world's biggest pizza, or watching the next two Star Wars movies. Do you have pets? If you died, who would take care of them? (I know, there's always someone, but if you're dead, you don't get to decide who that someone is, and it might be someone who doesn't treat them as well as you do.)

[vincent_richter]

Sorry in advance for making light of this...
But thank god he didn't say you'd miss the prequels.

[tjlemke]

Not saying I'm gonna, just I don't think I'll ever beat depression. At this point my best quality is breathing. I can't take the constant pain. Pot helps alleviate some of the pain but being in the military and a state where it's illegal I can't take it without risk of further fucking up what little I do have. Death would be a welcome relief to this hellish unbearable life. Hate to be that guy but I need to put it on the table, losing my fucking mind.

[vincent_richter]

Well, you're talking about it, and that is actually healthier than just letting it fester.

I know this is hard to hear, being as the service has this whole stigma about not relying entirely on one's own self, but we're all human and weak, regardless of what your Sergeant might've drilled into you.
That shit's for combat situations, and when you're not on patrol, it's going to take more strength to get help than to just throw your life away.

If none of that works, consider this: bureaucratic shitstains get to dictate where you go and who you kill. A good portion of them haven't seen anything more strenuous than a ballpoint pen. When honorable men and women take the way you're discussing... they win. They get to dictate the narrative of your life, your experiences, your family, your history, your honor. It's not an easy path to face adversity, but you signed up for this, right? Don't let them tell you how your story ends, live and tell it yourself.

At least one person will listen.

[JBird]

A permanent solution to a temporary problem isn't the way. A friend of mine from high school took his life a few months ago, and all it accomplished was throwing a lot of people's lives out of whack because of how much he meant to them.

There are people who will listen to what you have to say when you're depressed.

[SoylentOrange]

First off, Suicide hotlines, if you feel close to the edge:

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

Originally Posted by JBird

A permanent solution to a temporary problem isn't the way. A friend of mine from high school took his life a few months ago, and all it accomplished was throwing a lot of people's lives out of whack because of how much he meant to them.

There are people who will listen to what you have to say when you're depressed.

I will say, as someone who's suffered from depression, that the reaction to calling it a "temporary" problem from someone in a depressive pit is typically "That sounds like utter bullshit". It feels like this is going to be the entire rest of your life, like it will never get better and you'll be wallowing in misery forever anyways.

Of course it's not like that, but that's the thing about depression and any other mental affliction: If your brain is lying to you, how do you tell the difference?

tjlemke, I know it sucks balls, I been where you been, though without even the promise of veteran's benefits in the future, but trust me, it can get better. There's ways to fix this. It's just like any other illness, there are treatments and cures, and maybe yours is more difficult than most to treat, but it CAN be treated. In this day and age, it's harder and harder for something to be completely hopeless.

Hang in there, man. At least long enough to get some joy in your life again.

[JBird]

Originally Posted by SoylentOrange

I will say, as someone who's suffered from depression, that the reaction to calling it a "temporary" problem from someone in a depressive pit is typically "That sounds like utter bullshit". It feels like this is going to be the entire rest of your life, like it will never get better and you'll be wallowing in misery forever anyways.

I'm twenty-seven years old--about to turn twenty-eight--and I still live with my mom while working a dead end job in an area where better jobs are not available due to economic reasons or lacking the particular requirements. I am making the attempt to go to community college, but after four semesters with nothing to show for it, I feel less motivated to attend a school that would rather bleed me dry financially than offer classes that pertain to my interests.

I am picking up more shifts from my job, but after working in the same restaurant for seven years, I've reached my limit with the place and the people in it. It has gone through many managerial changes and corporate mandates, which has only gotten worse due to lack of income coming from the surrounding area. Every day, I look in on my checking account to make sure I know how much little money I have in order to pay my bills and buy food and gas, while having just enough for minor things (WoW and Netflix subscriptions).

While I do have distractions in my life to make me forget about my woes, I do occasionally feel that pit in my heart, the kind that feels like my actions have no meaning and everything is pointless, with death being a preferable solution. But do you know why I call depression a temporary problem? Because in my experience, it is, as I push my way past it and welcome the new day.

Putting aside the deaths of family memebers, who have died of old age, I've lost three friends throughout my life due to completely different circumstances. And seeing what effect that has on those around you can be a reason not to go through with it, as your own sorrow is passed on to another. I can't speak for anyone else, but I couldn't go through with killing myself if it meant ruining someone else's state of being. Which almost happened with my best friend from middle school, wherein another friend of ours was murdered not long after his baby girl was born back in 2011.

Sorry for he giant personal dump, but it's how I can explain my own experience with depression. This is also not me tryin to say that my own life is any better nor worse than yours.

[Blake Isaac Gordon]

Originally Posted by SoylentOrange

First off, Suicide hotlines, if you feel close to the edge:

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html



I will say, as someone who's suffered from depression, that the reaction to calling it a "temporary" problem from someone in a depressive pit is typically "That sounds like utter bullshit". It feels like this is going to be the entire rest of your life, like it will never get better and you'll be wallowing in misery forever anyways.

Of course it's not like that, but that's the thing about depression and any other mental affliction: If your brain is lying to you, how do you tell the difference?

tjlemke, I know it sucks balls, I been where you been, though without even the promise of veteran's benefits in the future, but trust me, it can get better. There's ways to fix this. It's just like any other illness, there are treatments and cures, and maybe yours is more difficult than most to treat, but it CAN be treated. In this day and age, it's harder and harder for something to be completely hopeless.

Hang in there, man. At least long enough to get some joy in your life again.

I wanted to post a link for help and encouraging words, but after reading this there was no need to be redundant. Instead, I'll wish you good luck with solving your problems. (you got one stranger cheering for you)

This has to be one of the most simple but eloquent postings on how to explain/describe depression.

Thank you for posting this.

[tjlemke]

Fine. I'll try.

[Obsidian]

I might kill myself

I believe you.

I believe that you might kill yourself. You would not have made this post if you weren't serious. But it sounds like you're wanting to talk about it (again, the fact that you made this post indicates that). I get it. I really do. Like many others here that have battled or are battling depression, I'm no different. I take antidepressants, and I've thought about suicide on more than a few occasions. The thing is, no one here can stop you from taking your life. We're stuck behind a screen, and the best we can offer are our wishes that you not commit the act. Ultimately, it's your decision.

I would strongly advise you to consider the consequences of that act, however. Suicide may seem like the only viable solution to the problem you're facing, but there are alternatives, alternatives I urge you to explore; Therapy, counseling, stronger medications, etc. Maybe even just a night out with a good, trusted friend that you know will listen to you.

I wish you all the best, tjlemke, and even though we're all little more than strangers behind a screen, we're still a community here and a strong one at that. And we all care about you. If you ever want to talk in private, never hesitate to PM me or anyone else.

*Pats on back* Depression is strong, but you're stronger. Always remember that.