Human to Alien Story - The new Gloob

[Dawn_of_the_roundtree]

Hello All.

I just thought I'd post one of my stories to see what you think of it...

As the topic states it is a story called The new Gloob, which is a Human to Alien Story.

Story in PDF format.

Hope you enjoy and please feel free to comment if you liked it or hated it.

Dawn.

[lampy]

Why are they wearing rings?
O________o

[JONJONAUG]

Good idea, but mediocre drawings and bad writing style (needs a lot of editing and revision).

[Dr. Otto]

Well, well...just earlier today I was complaining about a dire lack of guy-to-alien-cutey stories, and all of a sudden, BAM!

I have to agree with Jonjonaug about the quality of the writing, though. The phrase "Smiling Lea't" is repeated a little once too often, for example. It's a shame; there are some great concepts bouncing around in here. I love the idea of a newly-transformed gloob referring to its human self as if it were a completely separate being.

Still, the effort is appreciated! Maybe a sequel is in order, with Joseph Markus's consciousness re-emerging within Lea't and looking for revenge.

[transformative]

all errors aside... great story

[catgirl]

; cant think of one critisism or flamer coment.

I don't appear to be able to read it.
Perhaps I'm just being a silly goose, but does anyone know what might be wrong?

[transformative]

Originally Posted by JauntyAngle

I don't appear to be able to read it.
Perhaps I'm just being a silly goose, but does anyone know what might be wrong?

what kind of computer r u using?

[Dawn_of_the_roundtree]

Hello.

I wouldn?t normally tell off the people reviewing my work and normally I?d take note of what is said but this time I can?t? and I will explain why?

lampy: You have asked, ?Why are they wearing Rings?? Well firstly why not, I mean why wouldn?t aliens have a taste for such things? On top of that I seem to recall that the ?rings? popped from lumps on their fingers, which seem to indicate they are a biological feature. However if I had to stop and explain that to people it would make for a truly dull story? Besides it shouldn?t be that hard for a person to work out or accept.

JONJONAUG: I?m saving most of my scorn for you? To see if there was any validity in your statement I took a look back at your other post?s? What I have found is a lot of baseless dislike of things? such as you saying it sucked, or eww? but without you ever bothering to mention why? It also seems from one of your posts that you have a fear of words, I draw you to this statement, ?Eh...a lot of room for improvement.

Suffers from way too many words.?

Moving on directly to your statement about my work? ?mediocre drawings and bad writing style? Firstly is this your personal view? are you an artist or a writer or is this a case of ?you don?t provide what I want in this story so I?ll just complain by being a sad little person and bitching about nothing?? You see I?ve been watching some of the stuff on this site for a long time, seeing most of it is ripped of DA and while some of it has shaker lines then mine and is lacking any kind of colour, it rarely cops such comments as yours.

As for the writing I?m not arguing that there might be some mistakes but when you look at it compared to some of the other writing around here? at least I remember characters are different and people need to know who is doing as well as saying what. I also tend to remember that emotions are vital, a story where the characters have no emotions like some posted here isn?t much of a story.

So again I ask you, are you a writer or artist, are you someone who can rightfully say what you have said and is this a view of a professional or your own person view because you didn?t like the content of the story.

Dr. Otto: I?m not sure if I should lamb baste you for sounding like a sheep or ask a few questions? I think I?ll do the later if that?s ok? What is wrong with the over all quality of my writing?

The phrase "Smiling Lea't" is used a lot but if you stop to think for a moment, convert your day into a text form and you?ll notice that you tend to smile a lot (well all things considered?) Yes I could have said things like ?Smiled sweetly? or Smiled warmly? or even ?Smiled in a way to calm?? But those just add words and as it seems people online are allergic to words.

Okay I don?t want to insult you because over all you?ve been rather nice in your comment and have at least explained I may have smiled one too many times? as for the idea of a sequel? well I did plan to do more stories containing Gloob? but right now that?s rather on hold as is all my future writing projects.

transformative: You say, ?all errors aside...? I?m not going to get down on that statement I?m just going to ask? in the endeavour of improving my writing could you tell me what these errors are so I might avoid making them again. You can private message me any response if you wish.

catgirl: I can?t even comment on your comment because frankly I?m not sure what it mean?s.

JauntyAngle: I wouldn?t worry about trying to open it because it seems it?s not worth opening.


Dawn.

P.S. People remember if your going to besmirch people?s work then at least be kind enough to explain why?

[Dr. Otto]

Originally Posted by Dawn_of_the_roundtree

Dr. Otto: I’m not sure if I should lamb baste you for sounding like a sheep or ask a few questions…

Uh...I'm afraid calling me a sheep qualifies as an insult, Dawn.

Honestly, I did my best to make my criticism sound constructive rather than destructive. I'm sorry if you interpreted my post as being the latter. As I said, many of the ideas were solid. You just need to work on the delivery.

[transformative]

Originally Posted by Dawn_of_the_roundtree

transformative: You say, ?all errors aside...? I?m not going to get down on that statement I?m just going to ask? in the endeavour of improving my writing could you tell me what these errors are so I might avoid making them again. You can private message me any response if you wish.

sorry i was trying 2 not come across harshly if u would like some constructive criticism u did tend 2 repeat some phrases quite a bit... over all i thought it was a good story and i have always liked your unique art style, looking forward 2 ur future work... cheers m8

[Vengeance1701]

Dawn, do you honestly want constructive criticism?

You don't seem thrilled with anybody who has a criticism of your work.

Just asking.