Satyr Play (Complete)

[DalekSec]

Satyr Play


?Satyr plays were an ancient Greek form of tragicomedy, similar to the modern-day burlesque style. They always featured a chorus of satyrs and were based in Greek mythology and contained themes of, among other things, drinking, overt sexuality (often including large phallic props), pranks and general merriment. At the Athenian Dionysia, playwrights usually submitted four plays to the competition: three tragedies and one satyr play. The satyr plays were performed at the end of the festival as spirited entertainment to lighten the atmosphere after many hours of Tragedy, or between the 2nd and 3rd Tragedy of a trilogy as comic relief. They were also generally much shorter.? (Wiki)


Authors Note: I wish to apologize to Monty Python, Dr. Seuss, Fans of Godzilla movies, Sws, Sms, Giants, pet owners, the state of N.Y. and the City of Manhattan. The Gay community, Whites, Blacks, Asians, The Pope, the Roman Catholic Clergy, Jews, Germans, The militaries of the world, Humanity, The living and the dead, Pedophiles, Min and the members of his fine board. Those who like bestiality, necrophilia and cannibalism. Children, normal people, psychos and freaks, GOD, The DEVIL, The Internet, Imaginary friends and all of creation as a whole.


Reading this story may cause AIDS, FAIL, FAGGORTY, Genital warts, hatred, bed wetting, the hearing of voices or finding that your voices may now ignore you. Unexplainable urges to kill, urinate, defecate, sing or a general sense of disquiet as you come to see there is no GOD.


Please enjoy yourself by clicking on another link and never admitting to having read this awful drivel thus far. Pray, burn candles and offer small children in sacrifice to your gods and take not only your regular meds but those of all you know as well.


And now, without further blather on my part, I offer some MOST UNSPARTAN MADNESS!



Walking into the pet shop, Lieutenant Frost was most upset. ?Shop keep! Get out here NOW!? While still a young officer, his anger had boiled over and no mere uniform or commission would keep him from letting the owner of this establishment know exactly how he felt. Taking advantage of an officer in the this nation?s military was an unspeakable offense and as it was a time of war, this only made matters far worse!


His face red with his rising ire, he held the little cage in one hand and fervently struck the summoning bell on the counter with the other in a nonstop example of unbridled consumer fury. ?COME OUT HERE THIS INSTANT YOU BASTARD!? he howled in his best parade ground voice. When at last the odd little effeminate man came out to the showroom floor to greet him, the young officer was in no mood for his nonsense.


?Oh my! A repeat customer! Welcome back. Have you decided to purchase another little darling? They do get so lonely when they do not have a cage mate you know.? Rubbing his delicate hands together in anticipation of another big sale, Mr. Leibling could only smile and nod his head enthusiastically. Since he opened the ?Little Darling Pet Shop? in the fashionable West Village of Manhattan, sales had been decent but nowhere near as good as he always felt they should be and this was, after two years in business his first chance at a repeat customer.


?See her you creepy little bastard I am not here as a happy satisfied customer at all! I am, in fact most UNSATISFIED UNHAPPY CUSTOMER and want either a replacement little woman or my money back this very instant. Now, will you take this faulty pet back or must I call a cop?? The young officer was in no mood for the odd little man?s pitches and was as likely to throttle the fellow soundly as look at him. Narrowing his eyes at the little fruit of a man, the young officer set the cage down and slipped the cover off of the golden bars to reveal the tiny human figure inside. No more than five inches in height, the little person blinked at the sudden shock of light and jumped to its feet with a grin.


?Calm down young man. Calm down. What ever is the matter with dear little Francine? Did she bite you or get cross with you? Please tell me how you could be so heartless as to resist a pretty little face like hers?! I did warn you that our little women can have tempers from time to time and they have all the same physical characteristics as any normal sized woman. If she is having temper issues, perhaps it is simply that time of the month. Give her a few days of chocolate and high praise and I am sure she will be right as rain in a no time at all. Now, if you will come with me I can show you some lovely young beauties from Asia. Just got them in you know and so eager to please. I bet if you get dear little Francine a pretty little cage mate she will be ever so happy and grateful and all the more willing to please your more private desires shall we say. Just think of it my lad! Two dear little lovelies to see to your gratification! Here, let me show you a few!? After his pitch the little man smiled and waved for the young officer to join him in the back room as the little figure in the cage, attired in a formal black evening gown and heels nodded frantically with a wide toothy grin. As Francine?s tiny bouffant wig slipped, Francine snickered and held it in place with a tiny hand.


With a look of utter disgust the young officer cleared his throat as he tried to contain his anger for the sake of his dignity, uniform and country. ?Sir. I must inform you that I am not in the least willing to get a cage mate for little Francine. In fact sir, I must inform you that FRANK would suit this pet as a name far better than Francine! This SIR is not a tiny woman at all but, in point of scientific FACT a tiny MAN! A MALE! A card carrying member of the X and Y chromosome club. HE is a guy, a bloke, a DUDE whom you have fancied up in a pretty dress, stockings, heels and a WIG! Now I expect a proper tiny woman or my money back this very instant!? The young officer?s voice reaching fever pitch only to crack and reveal his immature nature. As the little figure in the cage stuck out it?s tongue and blew a loud raspberry while flipping the bird at the young officer, the effeminate little shop keeper looked most shocked.


?Young man! I will ask that you keep a civil tongue in your head while in the presence of this dear little lady! I do not care if you ARE an officer in our brave forces. You SIR are no gentleman! Such harsh words directed at a most precious and petite vision of perfection and loveliness! Such cruel and uncaring verbiage aimed at the very heart of one of the most tender, fragile and loving creatures modern science has yet to produce! You young man are a cad and I can only wonder at your home life as a child. Did your father never teach you how to act in the presence of a lady? Did your mother never teach you manners? Now I demand that you take this very moment to apologize to your dear little Francine this very instant and show you are most truly sorry for your unforgivable brutish behavior by purchasing her a little cage mate.? The little effeminate man shrieking in righteous indignation only to change to that of confident merchant in an instant.


?Just think of two little darlings touching you in ways no normal sized woman can. Think of the ecstasy you will know as you watch them see to one another?s insatiable carnal pleasures while you take a ring side seat until you are ready to have them unleash their delicate ways upon you. Now I am running a special for repeat customers and a military discount. Half off on your second purchase though I am inclined to forget my generous nature in the face of such uncouth and unwarranted behavior on your part. I would caution you that I am a man with a temper so you had best pick out a little cage mate for your Francine before I anger further. Only your uniform and your service to this fine nation stops me from tossing you on the street with my boot up your ass!? The proprietor?s anger reaching it?s own crescendo only to once more slip into the tone of a retailer.


?Now do come have a look. I think Maxine would be the perfect pet for your pet and yourself. I just got her in from Manila and she is most affectionate. Bit of a tramp in fact if you ask me but that should balance out the lovely and well bred Francine perfectly! Will that be cash or charge today sir??

Nodding eagerly as the little human rubbed it?s diminutive nether regions fervently through the gossamer fabric of the black silk panties with one hand while holding the hem of it?s dress up with the other. Making the most unsettling and animalistic noises Francine grunted and yelled obscenities. Letting it?s tiny tongue flap like the tail of a lizard, Francine made it most clear that Maxine was just what would make the young officer?s apology stick.


?My good man. I will not fall for this retailistic nonsense. This is a male for pity sake and I do not want a man of any size touching me in any way around my privates. NOR SIR, do I want to see a schlong a hoo hoo a magic fucking twanger of any size let alone touch it! Not in a box not with a fox not in Japan with Godzilla OR Rodan! SIR I do not want this TINY MAN! Now take this horrible little man away and either give me proper tiny woman OR my money. I am warning you I can have the law on you for misrepresentation over this!? Overcome with his anger the young officer slammed his fist onto the counter making the little cage and Francine jump a few inches to the left. Dazed by the concussion, Francine let out an example of flatulence so loud that both men could not help but look into the cage in dismay. As they watched, Francine was already waving a tiny hand close to a very tiny and bare rump and laughing like a maniac. Bending over and lifting the hem of the little black evening gown, Francine made a point showing them both the all too hairy source of the noxious gas and offensive sound.


Looking about the little shop, the young officer could see the other tiny figures in their cages barking with frenzied jocularity and offering their own gastric noises to form a cacophonous chorus of belches and farts so loud as to make one question the apparent capacity of the tiny creatures. In very short order the air in the shop became most foul as tiny beer cans and porn magazines of the most vile natures were tossed from the cages to riotous laughter at every side. ?You?re the FUCKING MASTER FRANK!? came a voice rough and gravely from a cage before it changed to a farcical falsetto and offered ?I mean Francine!? This praise only elicited more howls of peeling laughter from every inhabitant of every single cage.


?Now stop this foolishness ladies or there will be no video porn turned on to keep you all entertained after I close the shop tonight. Stop it all this instant! If you keep this up I will forget to bring the cold pizza and coffee in the morning or beer in the afternoon as well!? Hearing the shop keeper?s threats a soft chorus of ?Aw shit? and ?We?re sorry? came from all of the voices in the cages in absurd attempts to imitate the human female tone. Nodding in self satisfaction the odd little man smiled and began looking for a pen to make out a bill of sale.

?See here I will do no such thing as buy your Maxine and I do not Want FRANCINE. If you will notice this so called tiny woman has a terrible case of ?Five O?clock Shadow? and seems to be quite happy about it!? As the young officer pointed at the tiny figure, Francine began rubbing a hand across ?Her? chin and smirking.


?Young man! What a callow youth you are. Have you no real knowledge of the human female form? Most women have some small measure of facial hair and while it is most natural it is still rude to point it out all the same! I bet you own dear mother kept creams and a pair of tweezers in the medicine chest for the occasional stray hair or two. Would you call your own MOTHER A MAN? I can only hope your parents are dead so as not to suffer such insults from the boy they raised as their very own! To have given you life, love , food and shelter only to have you accuse your OWN MOTHER of being a man and your FATHER of being a queer for sleeping in the same bed. Well young man I can only think you are the tragic product of a taste for lead paint chips and the smell of model glue!? His veins bulging in his thin neck, the odd little man looked as though his head might burst.


Anger in his eyes, he turned to the young officer again and wagged a most irate finger. ?I think you had best not only take the time to apologize to your dear little Francine but take a moment to call your mother and tell her how sorry you are. Sharper than a serpent?s tooth, the words of an ungrateful child after all. Now you may use my phone to call her and I can simply add it to the bill for Maxine.?


?I caught HIM shaving!? the young officer barked out as he almost used his fist upon the counter again but stopped himself in creeping dread that Francine would once more demonstrate a knack for bodily functions of a most bestial nature. ?Well of COURSE SHE SHAVES! What a sad example of young manhood you are! I happen to think the sight of a WOMAN shaving her legs is not only terribly erotic but a SIGN OF GOOD BREEDING and HYGIENE! Were you not such an ill-mannered whelp you would take HER shaving HER legs as a sign of devotion and desire to look good for HER one and only master! When I think of your saint of a mother taking the time to primp and prepare herself for your father?s eyes and sense of touch and YOU seeing it as some filthy matter. Well SIR I can only weep for your parents and wish that someone had informed them of the more effective methods to prevent such unwanted pregnancies as you can only have been!? The little effeminate man blustered while looking for his sales pad.


?Not his legs you disgusting little FREAK! Francine does not SHAVE HIS LEGS!? The young officer cried out with a look of utter dismay. ?Oh. How sweet. I know it is an acquired taste for many to have the lady love of their life shave in their most intimate regions. Oh what a lucky man you are my fine young lad! To endure the sensation and indignity to keep her dear little sex clean and shaved for you is a tribute to her devotion to you. Can you not imagine the discomfort of using a tiny razor in such a sensitive area? Are you really that dense as to mock the gift of respect she pays you in doing so? When I think of all the fine young men that have worn a uniform such as yours who never came home to know the love of a real woman it makes me shudder to think that YOU sir still breathe only to spread you childish outlooks about what a woman should be for you! Would you chastise your sweet and innocent Francine for taking the time to do her hair and nails for you as well? Would you be so base as to spurn her attempts to look pretty for you?? His eyes wide and furious the little man used his own fist to pound upon the counter having the same results as the last time Francine?s cage was buffeted about. This time a stream of flatulence came forth from the little Francine causing the other pets in the shop to boil over with mocking laughter and animal noises more fitting the primate house at the Bronx Zoo.


?STOP IT THIS VERY INSTANT LADIES!? the shop keep screamed with a look of disappointment for such unladylike behavior. ?I SWEAR I will stop letting you all order books and magazines on the internet if you do not consider your rightful comportment as ladies!? Narrowing his eyes at the young officer, the odd little man began to write out the bill of sale for Maxine. ?Now please give me your name again as you were most incoherent the other day when I found you sleeping under the awning of my shop after your drunken revelries with your unit mates. Such a sad site to see our nation?s uniform sullied not only by the intemperate inebriation of reckless youth but then to know that the CHILD within the uniform is such a putrid example of manhood as to make sport of his lady loves attempts to present herself in a most manicured and cultured way. Be quick my lad before I forget myself and give you a sound thrashing in an attempt to make a man of you at last!? As the shop keep stood just over half his height and four times his girth in pudgy testimony to his easy life of leisure, the young officer could only scoff.


?HE was SHAVING HIS FACE if you must know. There! I was all excited to try out my shrunken woman, my loins aching as my skull throbbed from a terrible headache that had nothing to DO with the few drinks I had before I tripped and fell to lay before your establishment that day. Eager to know the joy and delight of my first encounter with a tiny woman of my very own, what did I FIND? This MAN was smoking a tiny cigar and SHAVING a very THICK example of mammalian hair growth on HIS CHIN! Now show me a PROPER tiny woman or refund my money or you will know the feeling of my fist as it buffets you about the head and shoulders before I call the law and have you taken away as both a cheat and a public nuisance!?


Looking into the eyes of the young officer as the salesman?s smile faded from his lips, the odd little man growled with rage. ?You cut me to the bone you sad attempt at the flower of manhood! Of course SHE shaves. If you must know your dear little Francine is of Italian heritage and while as with all women from that part of the world, she is a most devoted lover and passionate friend to her mate, she has the inherited issue of facial hair growth. Would that I were a few years younger I would drag you to the alleyway and beat you with the fury of a real man that you might come to realize just how low you are SIR! Would you say of the Mona Lisa that she is a hairy old BITCH? Would you see in the beauty of Italian womanhood nothing more than masculine aspects. Just look at your sweet little Francine. You have made her CRY you ill born BASTARD!? As both men looked into Francine?s cage, the tiny figure shrugged and began rubbing it?s tiny balled fists against it?s eyes while halfheartedly offering ?Yeah. Waaa. Whatever dude.? in a profound baritone.


Directing his attentions to the young officer once more, the odd little proprietor waved a hand over Francine?s cage as one might a new toaster oven during a game show. ?Just look at her form. The curves or feminine grace! The lines of womanly perfection. The rounded posterior and flowing curvature of her torso worthy of a master sculptor. Take notice of the firm young breasts beneath her elegant dress! Now do you think such ample bosoms come on males? Did you not take health class or sex ed as a student in junior high? Were you then as now no more than a drunken lout! Perhaps I should not be so harsh with you. Perhaps you had no mother or father to raise you properly. Perhaps you are nothing more than another sad example of the failings of our public school system. Indeed, this must be the case as after all I am sure that had you been guided properly in life you would know a PROPER woman when you saw her and find her few flaws could never outweigh the magic nature of a woman?s heart and soul. Come my lad! Must I hug you to my own manly breast to show you the differences be between men and women?? Reaching out with his short thin arms the little man tried to hug the young officer as a troubling scoutmaster might comfort a lonely and isolated boy in his tent after the other scouts were sound asleep.


?Come to my arms my poor lost waif of a lad and let me hold you as a distant uncle might. I will teach you the sacred differences instilled within us by our creator! Come to me my boy and let me teach you the ways of life and how men and women differ in their very nature. Let me kiss you upon the cheek as your mother and father so obviously denied you as a child. If your mother could not suckle you as she should have then take my nipple now and know the deep bonding so sadly denied you as a baby! I will love you in ways that men have not loved their fellow man since the days of the fall of Athens!? The odd little man swooning as he moved towards the young officer in his dashing uniform.


?Touch me and I will send you into the next life you odd little fruit basket of a shopkeeper! I am not here to discus my childhood or my many run ins with camp counselors and gym teachers in dark secluded places as the sound of my own sobbing comforted me! Show me a proper tiny woman or begin counting out my refund before a kick you as most boys kicked me for being in the chess club and band my whole life!? Almost in tears the young officer hung his head. Looking up at the young officer from the bars of ?Her? cage, Francine smiled wide and waved to get ?Her? owner?s attention. ?Please do not cry my master. Here let me comfort you my giant man of passion.? Not thinking as his thoughts were a broiling mass of memories of choir practice and overly helpful priests, the young officer pressed his cheek to the bars and felt his Francine?s tiny hand stroke his skin. ?Here. Take this it will make you feel better.? the tiny Francine spoke softy as ?She? reached into the front of ?Her? evening gown and pulled out an M&M leaving ?Her? breasts decidedly lopsided. Munching on the little candy, the young officer?s face took on a look of horror.


Snapping to an erect posture of authority once more as he spat out the tiny candy the young officer screamed in rage. ?See there! Not breasts at all but CANDY taped to HIS CHEST! You vile little merchant I will have your balls for this! Thinking you could fool me with confections affixed to this horrible little man. How dare you sir! Not only have you cheated me but wasting precious food in war time is a crime and a sin before man and god! Now bring me a tiny woman or I shall show you what our nation has taught me of hand to hand combat!? ?Man to man combat more like it you FAG!? Francine shouted from the cage before another chorus of howls and rude noises filled the shop as each tiny pet took the opportunity to call out epithets of ?HOMO!?, ?FAG?, ?QUEER?, ?ASS PIRATE? and one lone voice yelled out ?HUNKY WHITE MANDINGO HOTNESS!? with a little too much enthusiasm.


Pounding his fist on the counter the odd little shop keep screamed for quite and that all of the young ladies should behave. ?I swear one more outburst and I will yank the modem cable from the wall and no internets for any of you girls. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?? his voice straining to be heard over the catcalls and bodily noises as a gasping hush fell over the tiny pets. ?Sorry.? they called out in a mixture of panic and trembling fear.


?Listen to me young man. Of COURSE I taped those candies to Francine?s chest, I mean bosom! On the one hand I thought it a romantic gesture so that both she and you could enjoy a sweet little treat before your passions gave into you carnal lust for one another! On the other hand there is always the chance that you might be so overwrought with the aching of your loins that you might forget that such a dear little treasure needs to be fed and cared for. At her size two M&Ms would sustain her for days and I trust that you would run out of steam by then and take nourishment. Seeing those dear little eyes as they stared hungrily at what ever cheap pre-packaged food you ate as they did at your manhood could only touch and melt your heart and remind you to share your bounty with her as you had your seminal fluids. I know that while you are an intemperate youth you are no brute when not in combat and I trust you did feed her as I see now she has had both of her candies still in place! Well done my lad there is hope for you after all! Now do give me your name and address again for the bill of sale for your new addition Maxine!? Smiling with the pride of a happy and satisfied older neighbor that has convinced the paper boy that he had Popsicles in his basement for him, the odd little man began punching keys on his calculator.


Taking on a somber expression, the strange little man continued his admonishments. ?Now you have gone and made me confess that your dear little Francine is not all that well endowed when it comes to her mammary glands. But look at is this way. Think of how many men lurk about the interwebs looking for pictures and images of as yet undeveloped young girls always in fear that the preadolescent young woman they are chatting with is actually a member of law enforcement. YOUR SIR have the best of all possible worlds! You may enjoy your dear little Francine?s child like breasts without fear of persecution or prosecution and mounting legal bills that your purchase today will go a very long way to alleviating in my own pending cases. YOU SIR are truly living the dream of every man who has spent countless hours in his underwear while on the internet as he seeks the companionship that only the less than legally available crowd can provide. I am sure that once you have made up for your awful behavior by buying a cage mate for your Francine, she AND Maxine will be more than happy to call you ?Daddy? or ?Uncle? or ?Officer Friendly? as you instruct them to!? Now did you want to pick up some mini beer and soda today as well? They also seem to love magazines that are not always legal in this nation but I have a number of crates from Eastern Europe and if you order today I can assure you that I will forget I had them or where they might have gone during my normal inspections by the F.B.I. Here.?


Ignoring the reminder of his own long held passions for those that had not reached double digits on their birthday cakes, the young officer changed the subject back to the matter of ingestion. ?Well of COURSE I fed him. He told me he would punch my lights out if I did not share my Chinese take out with him! He told me he had been a Golden Gloves champ and would make sure I could never pee straight again if I did not share. Speaking of which, this so called FRANCINE PEES standing up! Have you ever known a woman to PEE standing UP SIR? As much as I must confess to having chatted with my fair share of young children only barely able to use their parent?s computers while mom and dad were at work and their sitter was busy shooting up drugs in the other room and wanting nothing to do with their appointed charges, I can not ignore the fact that this TINY MAN is a TINY MAN and can PEE like a drunken frat boy in a hospital parking lot as his date has her stomach pumped for roofies much as I did before the judge gave the choice of defending my country in the military or my anus while in prison. ? the young officer growled as he stared down the odd little shop keeper.


Looking up from his calculator the strange little merchant made a face of utter disgust. ?YOU..YOU?SCUM! You watched her during the private moments of HER toilet habits? What manner of PERVERTED degenerate ARE YOU? Is nothing SACRED in your cruel and disgusting world? Can you not contain your childish and prurient fetishes long enough to afford your dear little Francine a moment?s peace and privacy while she takes a little time to see to nature?s call? I bet you watched the other children in the bathroom at school with deviant desires as a boy. You little walking turd. You disgusting example of evolution?s mistakes. YOU living proof that there is no GOD watching over humanity in our hour of need. I should poke you in your very colon with a rough wooden broom handle while singing show tunes and wearing my tight leather gimp outfit! Perhaps THAT would teach you to be a gentleman long enough to allow Francine a much needed potty break from time to time! Just look at her! Consider her SIZE if nothing else. Such a tiny bladder and bowels need to give vent or else you will have a very sick little darling who can not see to your needs no matter how much SHE might wish too!?


Shaking his head in the disappointment and disgust of a child predator who has found the price of duct tape has gone up, the odd little man continued to write figures on the bill of sale as he added up the price of the young officers purchase of Maxine. ?Privacy? PRIVACY?? the young officer shrieked. ?HE made a POINT of aiming his MANHOOD at me through the bars and PEEING on me! All the while he laughed and taunted me just like my older brother did when he would pull my pants down and show me how to sword fight in the shed behind my parent?s home. Just as he would mock me for being hung like an ANT while yanking my member in an attempt to make it grow, this horrible little MAN told me he had seen bigger examples of manhood in the preemie wards of the local hospital! I ask you SIR is this the behavior of a woman? Are THESE the actions of a female of our species. HE HAS A DICK AND BALLS for GODS SAKE!? His face red both from rage and shame at the happy memories with his brother in the family potting shed that left him with a fetish for the smell of soil and manure to this very day, the young officer covered his eyes and sobbed as his trousers became tight.


?There there my lad. We have all known the touch of an older sibling who found our bodies were a playground for their desires and mockery. I too had an older brother who now grants wishes for sailors on leave when he is not sitting in Congress and telling us all how bad sex can be for us. Take heart my lad and rest your weary head upon my breast. I shall adopt you in a way. Not as one might the beloved children they wish they could conceive on their own with their life mate who happens to be a failed circus midget and part time transvestite! NO! I shall take you into my home on weekends when my wife is away and my neighbors have been properly bought off so as not to tell him. I shall show you the rope tricks I learned in India and the joys of autoerotic asphyxiation and if God wills it and you survive I shall toss you out once I have ejaculated and grown tired of you. Unlike the others I have known before you, I will not insult your character by paying you the pre-negotiated fee that so many seem to feel is their due after I pick them up by the Lincoln Tunnel. NO! I shall show you the respect of not even allowing you time to dress before I kick you out of my door and go through the pockets of your clothing before flinging you clothes out of my fifth floor window! For you my lad I do love in a way that can not be expressed in mere kindness and consideration of your feelings in the least! I love you in the way a man can love a warm bit of liver pressed into service as an imaginary orifice to sate my whimsical needs and avoid the complications and frustrations of ?Blue Balls! Come to me now son as you might were I a trucker with crabs and you a tunnel bunny who has caught sight of my wad of cash!?


?Resting his troubled head on the shopkeeper?s shoulder as the shopkeeper began stroking him with fingers that carefully checked the pockets of his uniform for anything of value, the young officer sobbed. ?Please tell me how I can ever live with such a horrid little thing as Francine? He does not even respect me for all of my size and power over him!? As the jibes and taunts from Francine and the other pets reached fever pitch, the young officer remembered himself and pushed away from the shopkeeper with a growl. ?HEY. QUIT THAT YOU FRUIT! I want a proper tiny woman or my money right now. This very instant and without delay before I forget my more tender nature and break every bone in your body! I did not come here to have you treat me like the loathsome man dog that I play on weekends SIR. I shall not eat kibble from a bowl for you as you spank my bare ass with a rolled up copy of the Ladies Home Journal and no matter how much I might wish it I will not sniff your crotch and wet myself as you lead me through the city streets on all fours on a leash!? Crossing his arms in front of his chest in a stance of unwarranted authority the young officer planted his feet and stood his ground.



?Now now. There is no need to tease me with visions of taking you for walks only to sodomize you behind the dumpsters of our local police precinct and choking you before leaving you for dead like a prom night dumpster baby no matter how much I would pay your next of kin for the privilege! This is a matter of ethics and the nature of your little Francine?s heart and delicate nature! Just look into those tender and tiny eyes and tell me you feel nothing for her. I dare you SIR! Tell me you feel nothing for this elegant little beauty and her undying devotion for you even though it is obvious you have a very small and ineffectual penis! See! Just look at how she is trying to entice you with her sex. The way she shows you her womanly treasure, playing with tenderly it in hopes to draw you from your shell of masturbatory loneliness and self hatred. GO ON. LOOK! I dare you!? Pointing at the tiny figure in the cage as the young officer?s eyes followed the direction of his shaking finger, the young man saw the tiny figure rubbing it?s Johnson as one might shake a beer bottle before letting their friend open it.


?See for yourself shopkeeper! A COCK. A DICK. A MEAT PUPPET! That is no WOMAN!? The young man howled as his all too well informed sense of manly features made him recognize the physical characteristics of the male form. ?You snot nosed little bastard! So she has an oversized clit? WHAT OF IT! Many women have what might be considered a large clitoris and in many cultures such features are a sign of womanly prowess. Some men wait all their lives in hopes of meeting a woman with such an ample and overly developed sexual organ KNOWING that such features make them all the more open to carnal pleasures! It is often said that such women will do anything for their man as their sex drive is so far advanced from women with a smaller clitoris! You my young lad should thank your lucky stars to have found such a dear little treasure and on your very first try as I have little doubt that the touch of a woman is as yet unknown to you. Go on, touch her engorged clitoris and show her you have learned to be appreciative of your blessed luck and fortune! When you get home with her and Maxine, show Maxine how to lick such an amazing clitoris and suckle it in your giant mouth so that Maxine may learn to be in awe of both your little Francine and your prowess as a male. LIVE UP to your uniform and do your country proud to show what it takes to make such a sexual organ of such epic magnitude explode with delight for your eager touch! Make us all proud my lad so that we may take pictures with hidden cameras and post it all on the Net to profit from it behind your back!?


While the shopkeeper?s words had a ring of truth to them as the young officer was finding the mere sight of the little creature less repulsive with every passing hour, his pride took hold of him once more. Much as when his Commanding Officer had taken great liberties with his anus while showing the young lieutenant exactly how prisoners of war are treated. Never forgetting his rank and oath as an officer, the young Lieutenant had thanked his C.O. for the reach around in a most cleverly and almost convincing way. He had done his uniform proud that day and would not slink away from his duty today.


?Very well sir. Show me this Maxine you do keep trying to push on me as one might try to share a venereal disease so that their shame would be lessened as they knew all their friends and family suffered from it too. Show me this vision of loveliness and joy that I might come to terms with the odd nature of my previous purchase. Be quick about it as I do not want to be seen in your company by any who might know me and be able to use it as evidence against me at a later date!? Pounding his fist on the counter, the young officer found the scent of Francine?s flatulence was slowly growing on him and smelled akin to the potting soil his elder brother made him eat while demonstrating his knack for playing the ?Skin Flute? until their mother and father got home from the parole officer they came to know after their unfortunate bouts with necrophilia became public.


?Oh my dear and well used lad. You have come to your senses and see the error of your ways at last. I am sure that with both Francine and Maxine you shall never have the need to pay strange Asian men large quantities of cash in small unmarked bills to have a chance to meet boys and girls who still make use of diapers and nippled bottles! I can tell you such Asian men often lie and all too often the child is already DEAD when you get into the room and GOOD LUCK trying to learn to say ?REFUND? in Thai or Arabic! No my lad you will be in such heavenly bliss that only the blood pouring from your raw and over taxed member will slow your pleasures and make you take rest and large amounts of drugs both legal and the such you can buy at your local public school from the cool kids. You sir will know the bliss of the Buddha as well as that of men with money enough to pay others to bring them partners captured in far off lands and smuggled to this nation in crates marked with ?Live Cargo? like the ones I have in my storage shed in a country without an extradition treaty with our own fine and godly nation. You sir will not only be living the dream you will be the dream and your friends and family will envy you even when they have to take the trip to visit you in federal prison. Now, do try to contain your passions and if you must give in to them make use of the paper towels on the counter as my mop is currently in the rectum of another customer who may or may not come out of his coma in time to prosecute me in a manner in keeping with our laws.?


Watching with unsatisfied but growingly hopeful eyes but still too dizzy from the little shop keeper?s pitch to argue as yet, the young officer witnessed as the effeminate little man took another cage from under the counter and set it next to Francine?s. It was love at first sight for both of the tiny humans as they jammed their arms through the bars of their respective cages and began grunting and moving in the most banal ways. Looking closer at ?Maxine? the young officer soon looked back to the store?s owner in disgust. ?Maxine? was dressed in an archetypical Chinese dress made of fine red silk that was embroidered with a silver dragon that wound along the side. Maxine?s legs were clad in tawdry fishnet stockings through with tufts of thick black hair protruded at odd angles. Standing in the most trashy Lucite platform shoes one could only find in the yard sale of one?s local pimp, Maxine shouted and waved at the giants between grunts and shouted references to genitalia and positions used for coitus.


?OH COME ON NOW! That one must be MAX not MAXINE! Are you blind?? His young voice choking on his natural disgust at the sight as an officer in the military and reformed character after being caught with a hamster and a Hover Upright vacuum cleaner. Moving the cages closer so that the tiny figures could more easily touch one another, they quickly lifted the hems of their dresses in unison and began grabbing each others sexual organs. Grunting and yelling with their mad passion for one another the two tiny figures rapidly became oblivious to the giants watching them.


?For the love of all that is sacred and the rounded rump of a woman when she is unconscious. Can you tell me that Maxine is a woman? HE HAS A BEARD for pity sake and looks like were he my size I would have to stare at his member in the shower on base and call him SIR no matter what his rank might be! This tears it! I WANT MY MONEY BACK you horrible yet oddly intriguing little man of mystery!?


Shaking his head slowly the little shopkeeper sighed and frowned. ?I suppose there is no growing you my lad other that sticking your head in the ground and watering you until you sprout like an onion. Now you have made them both so terribly sad that they can only console one another through oral pleasures and promises of trips to Key West that only end in tears as you discover your lover likes blood sports in bed. I see I can not convince you to be an honorable and upstanding example of not only manhood but a commissioned officer in my nation?s military so I must resort to matters more simple and perhaps less legal. Less than legal yes but as it is for the greater good, certainly my greater good as my lawyers tell me it will take a great deal of money to make the charges of bestiality and public fornication to go away on this my tenth instance of such charges with witnesses, you leave me little choice. Tell me young man, just how did you come to finally conclude so erroneously yet logically that Francine was not a woman but fall prey to your own delusions by way of evidence that she was a he??


The odd little man?s eyes slipped deep into the inky blackness of the soul of the young officer as his implications became all too clear. ?Well?I?err..I?saw him naked if you must know and I saw that he had not only a PENIS but testicles with more hair than my own ever since my last case of crabs presented me with no more options other than lighter fluid and a match!?


Nodding slowly at the young officer?s confession that was now on tape and already hitting Youtube.com as a teaser for a web site the odd little merchant had been planning to put up for profit but never got around too as his addiction to huffing paint often left him so terribly confused. ?So my lad you took HER clothes off and tell me. Were you hard? Stiff? Did you fetch the dog a BONE my sexually confused little soldier??


Knowing the skill of the cross-examination as his many times on various witness stands for charges ranging from buggery of a minor to being involved with an African organ harvesting ring had trained him to understand when he must pay bribes and grant sexual favors as even a dead penguin would find him guilty should the case go to trial. The young officer blushed and dug at the shop floor with the toe of his boot.


?Very well sir! What is your point?? the young officer tried his best to speak with moral authority as the two tiny figures in their cages began howling with lustful delight as each managed to take the other?s oversized clit into it?s mouth at the same time in what could only be described as an example of flexibility worthy of a major circus or a Philippine brothel and carwash. In spite of his best efforts to maintain his dignity, the young officer could only hope the shopkeeper did not notice his small but raging hard on or the spreading stain of urine on his trousers that denoted his fears at sexual excitement ever since he stuck his member in a sleeping panther?s sphincter while at the zoo with his sister?s young children without her knowledge or permission.


?Are you?well?a HOMO SIR?? The odd little man?s high pitched voice was so loud that both Francine and Maxine stopped enjoying one another long enough to look up with spreading grins before once more taking one another?s sexual organs in one another?s mouths and making sounds that would be more at home in a motel that charges by the hour.


?I most certainly am not you filthy little creep! My uniform alone should bare witness to the fact that I am not a HOMO as HOMOS are not permitted to dress this way in an official capacity. They may only wear such things during Pride parades and when imitating a popular disco era band whose name escapes me at the moment.? Though he knew perfectly well the band was The Village People, the young officer hesitated to mention it as simply knowing the chorus to one of their songs would ensure his discharge from the military under a cloud of shame that only assuming the identity of a homeless person after killing him could wipe it away. Having done this all too often, the young officer was not in the mood to memorize yet another name convincingly.


?Well. If you are aroused by a tiny man and you yourself are male, that would make you a fudge packer and as you can not be a glute goblin AND wear that uniform you must in fact be watching and getting excited by tiny women. The logic is simple if you can only bring yourself to abandon reason as easily as I could sodomize you only to leave you stranded, naked in a room full of prison rapists and still feel good about myself as a human being. Think it over as I make sure this entire conversation has made it to Youtube.com and count the number of hits and comments. Now, shall I ring you up or will you force me to teach you a lesson in the basement as I wear my leather nun outfit??


Both his logic and blackmail were inescapable. Even if the young officer were to kill the odd little man who made him feel like a natural woman along with all of the tiny pets in his shop, it would not cleanse his soul as it was true. To confess his own growing fascination with the tiny figures AND his admission that he KNEW they were male would leave him no choice but to face the fact that his own sexuality was in question and no red blooded patriot could accept that in themselves. While he might have a long history of public men?s room antics many of which were now legendary accounts on the internet, he could not, he would not allow himself to be thought of as less than a REAL MAN in hopes that so many of his previous charges might be dropped by sympathetic judges.


Looking into the cages as Francine and Maxine made sure that they each enjoyed a happy ending, the young officer found he COULD look past the beards and body hair. The pride they took in their flatulence and rude behavior. He could even see their tiny members so much like his own in miniature as nothing more than over developed clits and their testicles as nothing more than genital warts. Sure they smelled and acted like foolish children but after all how many times had he gotten his rocks off at the playground of the local primary school while wearing his customized trench coat? How many times had he rented a nondescript white cargo van in hopes to conquer the loneliness that allowed the many voices in his head to scream obscenities only to find himself ripping out the stained carpet of the van and never getting his deposit back?


No! Of all of the things he might be the young officer was NOT a NANCY BOY and those were women and until he could find a way to gain some measure of dirt on the shop owner so that HE could blackmail him, the matter was settled.


?Very well. I will purchase Maxine and the extras you mentioned provided you agree to my one stipulation in the bargain. A little acquiescence on your part as it were as a sign of good faith that I will not have to return every month with a bag full of unmarked bills as I do with my dry cleaner ever since the steamer incident that I still maintain was not my fault as I have no idea how those kittens got in there. A little give and a little take for my troubles on your part to seal our mutual loathing of one another in a way only men of breeding, honor and good character may!?


The young officer?s words touched the older little man in a way one might expect the last gurgling of a victim might when you suffocate them with their own teddy bear while they are at a sleep over with your niece. Nodding as he wondered what depth of depravity he might have to stoop too on this occasion the shopkeeper agreed knowing that if it somehow offended his morality he could always drug him and feed him to the trash compactor after knowing the taste of his flesh. He was, after all a little hungry and had not feasted on the blood of the innocent since the lost child looking for her mother had entered his shop that morning almost and hour ago!


Nodding he waited for the young officer?s terms. ?Very well. What do you have in mind and you had best know that as a pathological liar I can only give you my word to hold to our bargain.?


?I will agree to keep Francine and purchase Maxine if you will follow through with your threat to abuse me soundly with a splintered mop handle while wearing a leather nun / gimp outfit and THEN take me walkies as I find all of this has filled my bladder to capacity and I have been a very bad dog. My collar will be orange and you will call me Sparky as you rub my nose in the rear ends of other dogs. Lastly you will show me these dumpsters you mentioned behind the local precinct as I am a stranger in a strange land.?


Seeing nothing to do but agree, the odd little man accepted the deal and they are now both quite happy after opening a chain of Little Darling Pet Shops across the nation. Francine and Maxine finally married and are now running for President against one another on a platform of Christian Values and acceptance of prayer in school.


AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!