More general 'increased beauty'

[Reactant]

Originally Posted by Ser-Goblin

Reactant, that's a great story, I hope it will continue!

Is this your first work?

My first one in a very long time. First time sharing on here. Glad you are enjoying it.

Originally Posted by BillPratt

Good piece of work, Reactant.

No magic bullet on the paragraph spacing. You have to put them in yourself or write a program to do it for you.

Good flow. Light on the passives, but still too many. Do a search through the story for "was" and look at places where you can kill the "was" and put the action back in as the verb. You almost always can.

The set-up is a little weak. You can speed that up quite a bit.


This line:
Then Wendy surprised herself: “I didn’t say I didn’t believe you.”

misses. It's wordy, commits weakly, and doesn't need a colon.

Then Wendy surprised herself and said, “I believe you.”

It's not wishy-washy. It's a commitment that should cement things with Carol, and legitimately surprise Wendy, because she's pretty wishy-washy at this point.

Totally right, passive voice is always a struggle for me.

Thanks for the feedback. When you say the set-up is weak, could you expand a little?

Also, I made that intentionally wishy-washy. At this point in the story, a half-committed engagement like the one you have (rightly) criticized is a big deal for Wendy. "I believe you" would be too strong, because she still is deeply lacking in confidence. Hope that makes sense.

[Shadowsbane99]

https://www.amazon.com/Annas-Formula...NM8XEXNATNF8SC

HIGHLY recommended, despite having no real "on screen" transformation.

Let me say what I love about this story, it doesn't make me feel like a creep over it.

One of the most annoying things about IB, BE, etc. stories is the tendency towards acts lacking consent. Many stories have a party who is transformed unwillingly, and forcibly. I always prefer willing participants (Want to have a sexier body? Sign here.) or incidental ones (meteor fell from sky with glowing effects!) While punishment through transformation can be okay (Revenge can be sweet) taking sexual advantage as revenge does not sit well with me.

Long story short, I don't like rape fantasies. They make me uncomfortable. And a LOT of stories involving IB and related transformations are flat out rape fantasies. No "blurred lines". There are some others WITH blurred lines as well. but there are a sizable portion where the protagonist transforms a thinking person into a bimbo sex slave unwillingly.

Now let me be clear, I don't think that ANY fantasy is wrong. NONE. I only judge people on their actions, not their fantasies. But for me, I find such things in my story uncomfortable at best, and dealbreakers at worst.

This story not only has the main object of transformation, Anna, be a willing participant, but the one who initiates it, and the protagonist is the one unwittingly being buffed up, but it actually ACKNOWLEDGES the concept of consent and has an actual analysis of it.

The character who caused the unwitting transformation is reprimanded and actually sincerely apologizes. This story not only talks about consent, but analyzes the random encounters the protagonist has with several women and how they were, after analysis, consentual by both parties.

This may not be important to most people, but it actually made the read more comfortable and in the end, erotic for me. I like it when the women in the story are into the transformation along with the guy. What's more, the transformations also empower, not enslave, which I also like.

As for the transformations themself, they are sadly slow and happen basically offscreen. However, the actual changes are IB material to a T. Anna doesnt just get bigger boobs, she becomes taller, curvier, with wider hips and better muscle tone, she gets prettier in her face and becomes more confident and sexier to more than just the protagonist, and to top it all off she becomes smarter too, which actually is HOW she transforms physically (She makes herself smarter first THEN sexier).

The descriptions are wonderful and erotic, even the non transformation scenes talk at length about what he noticed changed and that is erotic in itself. The prose is good, the story is relateable, and it even is a LITTLE romantic in how the characters struggle but eventually find each other.

I hope this author writes more along these lines, and includes some on screen and quicker transformations. Ideally my favorite transformation is fat loss, when a chunky girl goes from fat to a six pack, and the guy gets a similar treatment, but beauty enhanced, breasts enlarged, all that stuff is great.

[Rubilax]

In the Dofus Movie, there's a brief scene where one of the main characters fantasizes about become admired, complete with a magical girl-esque IB sequence. I can't find a clip of it online, but one of the film's artists posted an early - and much more risque - version of the sequence in gif form on their tumblr.

[Jamball]

There's a nice set of IB stories going on over at the interactive part of writing.com

https://www.writing.com/main/interac...Endless-Beauty

I particularly like Wendy the Sun-Worshiper, and Alexis and Delta Pi

Please feel free to add to any of the stories as well!

-
Jamball

[Emmittshane72]

The writing.com threads referenced above are awesome. If anyone knows of anything similar please share!!

[catfish27]

Sorry, it's a poof transformation. But it is from a mainstream source, if you consider any cartoonist appearing on gocomics.com to be "mainstream."





(Despite the assertion in the second half, I'm sure there are people who would take the bargain to become the hottest woman in the world even if it meant they had to eat puppies -- and people who would want to be with them despite the "roasted puppy breath.")

[The AP Ninja]

Maybe that's just me...but I've always looked for this IB character's TF:
Her name is Looker, it was a nerdy bank assistant until she was induced to awaken her meta-human abilites, which improved her looks.
http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Batm...ue-30?id=32869
http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Batm...-31?id=32872#4

It is sadly a poof process, but still it is a character that doesn't get too much attention, I thought about sharing it.

[casperp]

Not strictly an IB, but there are some components there. BE, GTS, Hair growth. Maybe someone to keep an eye on.
https://m.imgur.com/a/3LEdp

[InkBamboo]

Always been curious...
What about the don't judge me challenge; it's not as idealistic as we can wish most IB's were but it has a more real feel to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xAKlyLQ-vg
It's a vine/instagram trend so there is a huge amount of content to it if you'd like to consider it IB.

[The AP Ninja]

The only problem with that is that...it has NO process

[Mr_DNA]

Originally Posted by The AP Ninja

The only problem with that is that...it has NO process

That's far from the only problem with the Don't Judge Me Challenge.

[erns12]

Ollala Hyde in the Jekyll and Hyde series from 2015 does that count as IB? There is hardly any process but i found it cool to see a female Jekyll for once.