New eBook: Shrunken and Seduced

[LK]

And here's my review:

Overall, the writing quality is good. The story gets right into the action and plays out an extended scene between Milo and his new girlfriend -- one long shrinking scene.

Mindi Flyth (an obvious pen name for a male writer) focuses on Rachael, the new girlfriend, and what she's thinking and feeling. She has control of the situation from the beginning, with Milo a passive, responsive character through the entire piece.

Rachael is unrealistically a sexual cocktease intended to tap into a male's fantasy about how a woman thinks and acts. She refers to her breasts as tits, gets sopping wet at the thought of her man (it didn't feel like there was a good explanation why), and, in a spin typical of FemDom and Female Empowerment (shrinking man / growing woman) stories, aggressively pursues what she wants without consideration for her other. Rachael becomes a different woman in the presence of Milo's curse.

Milo's a caricature as well. An explanation is given for why a man who shrinks when horny would decide to start dating a hot woman who triggers him whenever he's around her doesn't hold up weight. Milo is in denial about his desires and spends the entire piece protesting with Rachael even as his actions exacerbate the situation. Mindi's exploration of the different situations that could arise over this, if only told to us by Milo as a recollection, does stir the mind. I would have enjoyed seeing more of "The Life of Milo," similar to other stories of a similar vein such as My Very Short Story and CJA's similar take on a shrinking-by-horniness cursed protagonist.

Mindi's repetition of certain phrases (and he shrank again) detracts from the story and do not provide any imaginative fuel. I had trouble following the action or being able to visualize the character -- Mindi does not spend a lot of time with establishing his scene. The tempo of the story and the shrinking starts fast and doesn't let up -- there's no time to enjoy the character at different sizes in this short story as Milo races towards miniscule. Mindi's technique seems to be on creating steamy images, like photographs, but the series of images taken together don't form a coherent whole.

There are some good descriptions, and the situation is a surface-level, fun enjoyment where, if you don't think about it too much, you'll find it a nice read. This work would have benefited from a small editing pass. I think $3 might be a little much to pay for this work, given its quality and length. As a $0.99 micropurchase, this would be great.

[Janus Steel]

Originally Posted by vincent_richter

Something tells me he's gonna be disappointed when his Google search returns an ad for a Dodge crossover sedan rather than a Calibre eBook management link...

Bah! Who wouldn't want to stare at a Dodge product?

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/ivxph.gif" border="0" alt=""/>

[Mindi Flyth]

Thanks for the review, LK.

First off, I am transgender and the repeated use of male pronouns is inappropriate. That's all I care to say about that for now.

As for the substance of the review itself, it's unfortunate if you found the characterization unrealistic, but this is a shrinking fetish story and I think a certain amount of shorthand or idealization is allowed for these things. Yes, Rachel is a fantasy woman, but she is also an uninhibited, dominant young lady who has been sexually frustrated for a few months. She is in love with Milo, she doesn't understand why he's so shy about sex, and she's made up her mind to seduce him.

In reality of course few women would be delighted to discover that their boyfriends shrink when aroused. But I took some time to establish why Rachel responds the way she does. Rachel is a former dominatrix who has been suppressing her strong sadistic streak for a while, and her ability to shrink Milo by turning him on is a huge thrill for her. Obviously, Milo was very lucky to meet her... but in a way, she was also very lucky to meet him.

Also, plenty of women do refer to their breasts as tits on occasion, and they do get wet fantasizing about men they're in love with, especially when they haven't been able to have sex for months. I'm surprised you'd suggest otherwise. From the tone of your review I get the feeling that we just have some different ideas about women and their sexual behavior. I have known a number of women who were playfully sadistic and sexually forward, women not so different from Rachel.

If you feel that I didn't establish strongly enough why Rachel loves Milo... well, this is a fetish story, and I know many readers want to get to the "good parts" without spending a lot of time on long, romantic evenings and walks in the park. I used the thing about her loving his gross little knuckle hairs as a shorthand to establish that she was falling for him, and hoped that would be enough for most readers.

Most stories like this probably would have told the story from Milo's POV, and that could be an interesting story. But while seeing through the POV of a shrinking person can be great fun, some of us also enjoy the idea of shrinking somebody and I thought seeing this from the POV of the dominant, sexy woman would be an interesting variation.

Finally, the repetition of phrases like "and he shrank again" was deliberate and intended to give the story some rhythm and humor.

I know this response is long, but there were some aspects of your review that frustrated me. I hope that other people who read the story will post their reviews as well.

[LK]

Your response came off defensive, which is understandable if you found the critique of your work frustrating. I hope you learn to accept criticism gracefully in the future, it's a hard-to-acquire quality every writer could benefit from. I don't have it myself.

I do look forward to your future works.

Also, I assume you were making a general statement about using a male pronoun when refering to yourself. I couldn't find an instance where I did so, and took pains to make sure any reference to you was "Mindi" rather than an alternative.

You must admit that the nature of the internet makes it difficult to trust statements someone makes and verify those facts, for example whether they are transgender or are a man posing as a woman for marketing purposes. A lot more of the latter exists online than the former.

I wouldn't second-guess Mia Wachoski's statements about her identity. Take in mind this comment isn't meant to be personally directed at you, but reflects my general perception of online activity.