this is a short series im woriking on - Page 2

wolfman-al · 10-30-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadside_fury

I think Wolfman was talking about the age of the writer.

No.
He wrote "about a girl at the age around ten"
This is definitively underage.
Allthrough he changed it now to 16.

Dontino · 10-31-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoylentOrange

No, wolfman did.

Personally, I was too distracted by the total absence of anything anyone would call "writing" to notice that bit of it...

Ah, failed to notice as I posted at the same time, thus assuming everything over my post I had read.

cani · 10-31-2007

I agree with reptile king... it needs some work concerning the language ( obviously not his native one ) and with abazaba that the idea is not that bad at all, but like the language part needs some work ... for example more descption of surounding, person, action and so on.

Concerning the age part best make it 18 then almost everybody will feel better about it (me included) and it will prevent any trouble (law and so on).

Beside that its is first try so please give him the chance to learn from it and don't stomp him in the ground because of this more or less little mistake and scare him away.

I could be wrong but the age he mentioned could be influenced by his own age that may .. i say may not be much older than what he wrote ... it could also explain the problems with grammar.

thejakeman · 10-31-2007

No, i don't think that he should be handled gently, i think he should be burned at the good queens stake.

As first impressions are the most lasting, such should it also be with first writing attempts.

10-31-2007	#15
cani playful demon/nymph Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Germany Posts: 133	I agree with reptile king... it needs some work concerning the language ( obviously not his native one ) and with abazaba that the idea is not that bad at all, but like the language part needs some work ... for example more descption of surounding, person, action and so on. Concerning the age part best make it 18 then almost everybody will feel better about it (me included) and it will prevent any trouble (law and so on). Beside that its is first try so please give him the chance to learn from it and don't stomp him in the ground because of this more or less little mistake and scare him away. I could be wrong but the age he mentioned could be influenced by his own age that may .. i say may not be much older than what he wrote ... it could also explain the problems with grammar. __________________ Cani came, saw, smiled and ....... ~zap~ Now look into a mirror! And try to ignore the siren like voice comming from your bedroom. Last edited by cani; 10-31-2007 at 12:27 PM.

10-31-2007	#16
thejakeman Banned Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,360	No, i don't think that he should be handled gently, i think he should be burned at the good queens stake. As first impressions are the most lasting, such should it also be with first writing attempts.