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10-31-2007 | #1 |
Bored of being an asshole
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 693
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10-31-2007 | #2 |
playful demon/nymph
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Germany
Posts: 133
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I agree with reptile king... it needs some work concerning the language ( obviously not his native one ) and with abazaba that the idea is not that bad at all, but like the language part needs some work ... for example more descption of surounding, person, action and so on.
Concerning the age part best make it 18 then almost everybody will feel better about it (me included) and it will prevent any trouble (law and so on). Beside that its is first try so please give him the chance to learn from it and don't stomp him in the ground because of this more or less little mistake and scare him away. I could be wrong but the age he mentioned could be influenced by his own age that may .. i say may not be much older than what he wrote ... it could also explain the problems with grammar.
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Cani came, saw, smiled and ....... ~zap~ Now look into a mirror! And try to ignore the siren like voice comming from your bedroom. Last edited by cani; 10-31-2007 at 12:27 PM. |
10-30-2007 | #3 | |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Quote:
So... It's a one-piece fanfic? with a mary-sue that steals the power of a character from the Incredibles, the main lead of One piece, and some obscure/probably-perverted-comic character? |
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10-31-2007 | #4 |
Banned
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,360
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No, i don't think that he should be handled gently, i think he should be burned at the good queens stake.
As first impressions are the most lasting, such should it also be with first writing attempts. |
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