Midna BE Story

[cyero]

I thought Faron was the goat, or was that Ordona?

Originally Posted by cyero

I thought Faron was the goat, or was that Ordona?

Faron is a squirrel/monkey creature, Ordona is a goat.

Also, thanks everyone.

[revliskiuq]

I must say, I love the direction this story is going. I can't stress this enough, you're doing a great job and keep up the great work!

[Tinn]

theshoelace, allow me to congratulate you on your story. It seems clear to me that your storytelling and characterisation has been improving as the plot has progressed, so pat yourself on the back for that.

Additionally, you have my admiration for tackling your chosen subject matter in the way you have. Given the great thematic distance between the content of Zelda and the BE based plot you're running, your interpretation of the different cannonical characters and their reactions to events is definitely more accurate than what I am capable of imagining.

I would like to make one suggestion about style, however: Try and avoid using the same description of something too often. It can seem repetitive, and worse, can sometimes make it hard to differentiate between climaxes of high tension and moments of calm, since the same style and pacing of language is used in each. I like your writing, but on the other hand, I've lost counts of the number of times you've mentioned the bouncing of Midna's breasts. I don't doubt it would be hard to ignore, but I wouldn't mind hearing about some other noticeable effect of her condition - how hard it is for her to sit up, for instance, or unexpected difficulties with her shadow magic.

Hmm... I got a bit carried away with my criticism, there. My apologies.
Your craftsmanship is careful and visibly improving, and my hat is off to you.

[cyero]

O-O

Sweet lawd. Long post by a new guy?


FLEE! TO THE JESUS CAVE!

Originally Posted by Tinn

theshoelace, allow me to congratulate you on your story. It seems clear to me that your storytelling and characterisation has been improving as the plot has progressed, so pat yourself on the back for that.

Additionally, you have my admiration for tackling your chosen subject matter in the way you have. Given the great thematic distance between the content of Zelda and the BE based plot you're running, your interpretation of the different cannonical characters and their reactions to events is definitely more accurate than what I am capable of imagining.

I would like to make one suggestion about style, however: Try and avoid using the same description of something too often. It can seem repetitive, and worse, can sometimes make it hard to differentiate between climaxes of high tension and moments of calm, since the same style and pacing of language is used in each. I like your writing, but on the other hand, I've lost counts of the number of times you've mentioned the bouncing of Midna's breasts. I don't doubt it would be hard to ignore, but I wouldn't mind hearing about some other noticeable effect of her condition - how hard it is for her to sit up, for instance, or unexpected difficulties with her shadow magic.

Hmm... I got a bit carried away with my criticism, there. My apologies.
Your craftsmanship is careful and visibly improving, and my hat is off to you.

Thank you for your critique. It is most useful . One thing though; some people like the repetetive stuff. It keeps the focus on something. But I'll try to make it less repetitive.

NABOORU PIECE!

'' Nabooru woke up as tiny rays of light came around the corner of her room and through her window. Her mind and body were very much refreshed- mostly, she had to add after an observation. Breathing in was a tad bit painful, as though something had been pushing on her chest all night. She slowly sat up ( it was harder than usual ) and looked down in her cleavage. ?Hm!? she said. As expected, her breasts were much larger than before. Twice to thrice their original size, she noted.

She looked in the corner of the room. Brand new, large bras lay there. She smiled. One of them fit perfectly, and so she put it on. She felt her hips. ?Hm!? she exclaimed once more. They were broader and rounder- and so were her buttocks. ? A form... that represents feminity...? she repeated to herself from the ancient scroll. She put on her pants ( that fit tightly ) and went out of her room to tell the second-in-command she was going back to the Spirit Temple to discuss the events with the Godesses.

?Guard,? she said to the Gerudo waiting outside the room, ?could you bring the second-in-command here?? The guard bowed ( like before ) and walked around the corner with surprising speed. In two minutes she came back with the second-in-command. ?Great Nabooru, where do you need me for?? she asked. ?It?s time for me to go back to the Spirit Temple,? Nabooru answered ignoring glimpses at her bust. ?There are questions that need answering.? The second-in-command nodded and bowed.

?It was an honour to have you here, oh Great Nabooru. We hope you will once visit us again,? the second in command said. Nabooru smiled. ?Thank you!? she said as she walked away and said farewell to the Gerudo. She headed for the open gate that headed back to the Haunted Wasteland. She passed this treacherous desert with ease; for she was a Sage. Soon she came upon the ancient Desert Colossus. There was quite some irritating sand in her cleavage, she noticed.

To her left, there was a small body of water. She took a quick bath there ( making her bra wet which made it feel somewhat tighter ) and finally headed for the dark entrance to the Spirit Temple. Entering it, she saw the broad stairway of stone. She sat down upon it, and wondered how she could contact the Godesses. She started to wonder if it had been necessary to come there at all. ?Godesses... Din, Nayru and Farore... if that which is happening is your will, give me a sign...? she spoke. Her voice echoed through the empty Spirit Temple.

All that followed was silence and for the first time in a long time Nabooru felt lonely. ?Godesses, perhaps it is my task to be patient, but changes... physical changes are occuring that do not halt a single moment. Please answer: is this your will or not?? she called out, the echoes sounding loudly for several seconds. Suddenly, beside her, a torch was lit. For a fraction of a second she thought she could see a dark figure in it?s light. ?Is this a sign...?? she asked herself. The torch shone mysteriously.

Suddenly, a strange voice which she did not recognise spoke. ?Venture deeper into the Spirit Temple to find an answer...? it said. Nabooru hesitated; the voice was that of a male, so she doubted whether or not it was voice controlled by the Godesses. But her curiosity and desire to find answers overpowered her doubts, and she headed for the right-hand entrance deeper inside the Temple. So, she came to a room with three door. ?Which door should I take now...?? she wondered.''

[Daichi Azure]

Nice...but I still wonder what will happen to Illia and Anju...

[HC-911]

Wow, theshoelace, this is fantastic stuff.

Very inspiring too. (I too, love to write)



This has been going on for some time. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, as I'm very much a lurker and fairly new, but should something like this make "Notable contributions?"

[grtcaligal]

Originally Posted by HC-911

Wow, theshoelace, this is fantastic stuff.

Very inspiring too. (I too, love to write)



This has been going on for some time. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, as I'm very much a lurker and fairly new, but should something like this make "Notable contributions?"

I say wait until it's complete. Sort of like how you have to finish your career before you're a hall of famer.

[Tinn]

Originally Posted by cyero

O-O

Sweet lawd. Long post by a new guy?

I'm not that new... It's more that I post only rarely. I don't like to put up posts that don't have content. Oh, and theshoelace? The idea of repetition being useful in establishing focus and reffering to theme was one I hadn't thought of. I'll try and remember it for my own writing, so thanks.

[cyero]

But that's what the Internet's FOR!

'' Anju hesitated, and then stepped out of her room. She looked around, and concluded the coast was still clear. She quietly moved through the hallways of the Inn until she came to the reception where Kafei was. He was still by the desk, smiling somewhat fakely ( Anju chuckled. She knew Kafei never smiled this much ). She tried formulating her words through her excitement: the curse was in a shiney object close to the desk. Suddenly, a strange sting went down her spine. She started feeling light in her head.

She had only just started wondering why this happened, when she lost consciousness, and fell on the ground. Kafei, who had been really bored, immediatly noticed the noise. He went and looked around the corner anxiously. He gasped and bit his lip in shock; there was his precious wive, lying on the ground. Forgetting all about his duty, he tried to get her on her feet. With some trouble ( she was heavier than ever before ) he managed to do so, and she drowsily cooperated in being lead back to her room.

Her thoughts were quite confused and didn’t seem to mean anything. Kafei, after the troublesome walk to their room, opened the door and lead her to her bed. He was quite worried. ‘Anju, what happened?’ he asked. ‘I...’ Anju drowsily managed to say. ‘I... don’t really re...remember...’ she said after a while. The only desire in her right now was a desire for sleep. She pulled the bedsheet over herself, and closed her eyes. Kafei stood there, puzzled, when he heard the ringing of a bell.

He looked once more at Anju, and then, left the room again to get back to the reception. There was Mutoh, the head of the Carpenters, impatiently tapping the bell. ‘That took some time, didn’t it?’ he said, not hiding his irritation. ‘Yes, sorry...’ Kafei said, his mind still with Anju. ‘You know, I’ve heard strange rumors. Now mostly, I don’t believe them and I don’t care about them either. But one caught my ear that involved my daughter was... cursed... and now I find you, my son-in-law, doing her job...’ he said, half to himself.

Kafei could see he’d better speak the truth to her father: and yet he was not in the mood for saying ‘your daughter’s breasts are growing’. He carefully started building towards the point. ‘Well... a few days ago, I do believe Anju may have been cursed by a rather odd curse. This curse seems to cause- well, in fact it certainly causes- physical changes,’ he began. Mutoh’s angry face was replaced by a worried look, which was really rare for him. ‘Physical change?! I need to see her, right now!’ he yelled.

Kafei decided he’d allow this- if Anju would too. ‘Anju is right now in bed, but I’ll check if you can talk to her. Please, wait some time...’ he said. Mutoh didn’t look at all as if he was prepared to wait ‘some time’. Kafei hasted back to his room and knocked the door. ‘Come in...’ said a voice on the other side. Kafei opened the door, and there was Anju. Her clothes were on the ground, apparently damaged by overstretching, and she was in her bed. ‘Kafei, I remember I had to tell you something... but I don’t know what...’ she said.

‘That’s alright. It will come back later,’ said Kafei to comfort her. ‘But your father wants to speak to you... now,’ he said. Anju looked troubled. ‘Fine... let him come,’ she decided at last. Kafei hasted back to Mutoh, and back again to Anju with him. Mutoh, in his loud voice asked many questions to Anju, and she in her soft voice answered many too- so it came that Anju’s father also came to know of the curse; but Anju wished she’s still know what had been told her earlier this day.''