'Wet Dream' - XXX TG Fiction (Offsite)

[RavenRift]

Hey guys, I started writing a story called Wet Dream, and was curious what your thoughts on it were. It's my first time writing porn, though I have written other things. if you guys like it I'll keep you posted on its progress.

Ed Miller was definitely an inspiration for this story. Hell, I normally don't even write fiction in first person.

Wet Dream:
http://www.fictionmania.tv/stories/r...31295934635627

[Hardcase]

I enjoyed the story. I am wondering how everyone mistook the protagonist for this Steven character - strangers, I totally believe. His best friend? Not so much.

I would highly encourage you to write more. I look forward to reading the next installment.

[RavenRift]

I actually submitted the next chapter a few hours ago, waiting on approval. As for the mistake with the best friend, it will eventually be explained. Can't say when since the main plot is basically bullet points that I am fleshing out, but there is a plan.

I'll work on Chapter 2 tomorrow. The chapters will be relatively short, about the same as the prologue, since each chapter is a different sex scenario. My real goal is to keep the main plot fluid and enticing, while out of the way enough so that people who just want a wank can pop in, get one in, and leave. I'm trying to appeal to both audiences, and am quite pleased so far with how that is coming along.

[Sphore]

Putting another bit of a cosmic agreement on the back of a sheet? Man, I hope whatever being is responsible for delivering karma is just as annoyed by deceptive contracts as I am.

[RavenRift]

Chapter 2 is now up. I also tagged the coming up chapters as a bit of a teaser.

Originally Posted by Sphore

Putting another bit of a cosmic agreement on the back of a sheet? Man, I hope whatever being is responsible for delivering karma is just as annoyed by deceptive contracts as I am.

Maybe karma isn't as fair as we would like to see, or perhaps it will overcompensate. I believe I have the witches revisted in chapter 6, if all goes according to plan.

[Sphore]

I liked the latest installment. I realize now that I slightly misunderstood part of the contract that was signed, wherein people wouldn't remember his transformations. That makes for a lot more flexibility in your stories, and also brings up a few interesting questions about what sort of weird reality-altering is going on.

I'd like to read a bit more detail in the transformation sequences, but overall these are some of the most enjoyable tg/tf shorts I've read lately.

[RavenRift]

Oh? Perhaps I can change that. What about the wording caused the confusion? I'll re-write the section to prevent someone else from getting confused. I feel like the lantern was a little forced, but I wanted a way to get Jason involved and still have everyone else oblivious.

I'l try and put a little more focus on the process in the future as well. it's something I want to do anyway, since process is what I like most. The acting and doing as a woman is great and all, but what I really enjoy in stories is the transformation itself. It's where this entire idea came from, an excuse to write shorts and link them together somehow.

Thanks for the input, it really helps a lot.

EDIT: Let me clarify. What in the transformation sequences would you like to see more detail put into? Any certain aspects I have been skipping out on?

[Sphore]

Well, to be very specific, the bit that I misunderstood was this paragraph:

Right now your changes can be seen, and remembered, by those around you.
This blessing will circumvent the memory and events around you so that
you will not have fallout with co-workers or friends. No one but you, or
anyone you grandfathered in by fucking, will remember anything you may do
with them during your transformations. Your life will simply go on as
normal.

The 'grandfathered in' bit seems slightly ambiguous. It wasn't clear if it meant 'people you had sex with before pinching out the flame' or if it referred to anyone that Dean had sex with while transformed (even after 'signing' the contract). I recognize that 'grandfathering' means bringing in something from before the establishment of a rule, it just wasn't quite as clear as it could have been. Of course, that could also be a feature of the letter- it's not a narrator's unbiased explanation of events, but rather the possibly-rushed writings of a witch with a guilty conscience and a predilection for putting fine text on the opposite side of a written agreement.

Regarding the transformations themselves, my basic critique is that they're all written in a quite observational manner. Dean describes that his face is smoother, and his nails are longer, but there's not a lot of attention given to how this feels. What sensations are felt as these things are happening? What would he feel if he were not referring to external textures and appearances? You mention a burning sensation several times, but to me, that's not quite as satisfying as a more detailed description.

Basically, the sequence is written as if it was an outside observer watching Dean transform. I think the story could be greatly enriched by writing things from his 'internal' perspective. What physical sensations are accompanying each bit of the change? Prickling, stretching, crushing, shuddering, churning... there's a huge variety of terms you could use to add tangible sensation to the story.

The mental changes (even if they're quite minor) that accompany the transformation are more difficult to write. I think you're doing a good job with this- I think that subtlety is usually the best path for something as tricky as the mental changes that occur as a character transforms from his base form into a living sexual fantasy.

Conveniently, you've set up a great literary conceit to experiment with all sorts of transformation types. I certainly wouldn't begrudge you putting more time into the descriptions of the change.

[RavenRift]

How about this fix?

Right now your changes can be seen, and remembered, by those around you.
This blessing will circumvent the memory and events around you so that
you will not have fallout with co-workers or friends, however anyone that has been affected by the curse prior to this blessing will still remember their encounter, and will continue to remember if you have a future encounter with them. Other than previous relations your life will simply go on as normal.

I intended originally for Lilah to come off as straightforward and an ally, however I think i like the way she comes off as still looking out for her sisters first, as shown with the bit of cosmic agreement on the back of the note.

I see what you mean by the observation point of view. This is probably in part to me putting a reflective surface in the transformations, or having the other party watch (such as with jason), that I see it through their eyes but not feel it. I'll try a different approach with the next chapter.

I do want to make the transformations the highlight. Honestly, writing those scenes satisfies my tg desires more than the sex scenes, hell that's why I started writing tg.

With the mental, thanks a lot. I'm not a fan of heavy mental changes, bimbofication specifically. To notice its subtlety tells me a lot as a writer.

Thanks a ton for the feedback.

[Sphore]

We seem to be into this for the same sort of things then. I am also here for the transformation, and I'm not a big fan of bimboization- I don't mind it from time to time, but when it's all you read, it gets quite overdone.

[RavenRift]

Chapter 3 is now up. Sorry it took so long, wife has been home sick and I don't work on it while she's home out of respect. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

[Hardcase]

Well done! The trail for Steven gets warmer...

I hope your wife is better.