The Succubus' Wedding Night (Complete)

[Reif]

Okay, for those so inclined I'm making my first contribution here in the form of a fictional story. This thing started life as a dream fragment that simply grabbed onto my mind and wouldn't let go, by the time I was finished it had almost taken on a life of its own. So without further ado "The Succubus' Wedding Night"

Caveats

This thing is a monster clocking in at 26,000 words and 33 pages (generously formatted) I do promise that over half of it is detailed process thats about as far from poof as you can get. The first half of the story IMO is critical plot and characterization that I felt the characters deserved. If you absolutely refuse to read that much the actual change happens in Chapter 5 starting on page 16, but youll miss the story driving plot and a number of running jokes.

Also, while using the standard "4th" wall camera the view is relatively close and personal though nothing in this story is autobiographical. The net result is the action might get a touch uncomfortable for some readers in a few select points, you have been warned.

Given that this is a first attempt any constructive criticism would be welcome.

[Mitchell]

Holy snap, I admire your effort!

[Miss Mako]

Bravo!! Interesting story, and I very much enjoyed the way in which you handled the details of the transformation. You have a talent there for sure.

- Mako -

[Hardcase]

Wow!!!

An amazing journey, vivid and detailed. Well done!

[Reif]

Thank you very much Mako I appreciate your feedback. To be honest I considered dedicating this thing to you in recognition of the great movies you've made (TLPS is my favorite), and its still sitting out there if you want it.

[Miss Mako]

Originally Posted by Reif

Thank you very much Mako I appreciate your feedback. To be honest I considered dedicating this thing to you in recognition of the great movies you've made (TLPS is my favorite), and its still sitting out there if you want it.

Thanks Reif. That's very nice of you. I just wanted to let you know that you did a very good job bringing to life these characters and the way in which you handled your "TF" scene. Very creative and descriptive IMO. You have a natural knack (and patience) it seems for making the reader feel what's going on in the moment, and trust me when I say... that's no easy feat. I've read many many many TF stories in my time, and yours held me to the end. Look forward to reading your future stories for sure. Call me one of your new fans

Cheers!

- Mako -

[Leonides]

Excellent work, and really great description of the transformation. Keep it up!

[ashe5k]

A long read, although I didn't notice it, but that is possibly one of the best transformation sequences I've ever read. On top of that, the two guys trying to reconcile what was happening to the one and what might happen between them was fantastically handled.

[roadside_fury]

Oh yes, I will have to agree with everyone else on this, that transformation was outstanding. You stuck with it through the end, never relenting in detail. Splendid, simply splendid. Best thing about it though was there was a engrossing story around the TF, so kudos for that as well.

[Jecilyn]

I can't really say much more than has already been said. Well done...you handled (IMHO what should be) a very delicate situation (in the story) and handled it with aplomb.

Can't say much more than Congratulations, great work!

[Rand al'Thor]

good job, good detail on the transformation

[Reif]

I appreciate all the positive feedback I was a touch concerned that my unorthodox approach would have put some people off.

Question for the readers though, several times in the story I tried to insert a quick laugh (IE Zach vs. Ben, and the pineapple bit, etc.) as a way to keep the drama from getting too heavy but wondered if I was squandering dramatic momentum. Do you like the joke setups or would it be preferable to just go straight through and maintain the tempo of the story?

Thoughts?

P.S. have an idea for story #2, working on fleshing it out.