Of The Hunters and Hunted

[Reif]

8/18/2012 UPDATED VERSION

I know this is old, but in preparation for the next piece of this story I went back and reedited the original version. The updated version fixes several minor plot holes that have been pointed out me, makes some minor changes for continuity reasons going into the next part, and I broke up just about all of the larger paragraphs so that it would be easier to read.

There's not really enough new content to justify reading the whole thing over again for those who previously read v1, but if someone does want now or in the future to revisit this story for their own reasons I would recommend v2 over v1.
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1/20/2010 Update...Now with PDF Witchery...

Well, it only took me three months but my third story "Of The Hunters and Hunted" is done.

It is a story full of peril, adventure, and just a little chromosome swapping. As with "The Succubus Wedding Night" If your attention span is up to exploring a fully realized world you'll be rewarded with the best TF process I could pull from my strange mind.

That said, I think #4 and probably #5 are going to be significantly less ambitous as OTHH really wore me down mentally.

Side notes:

While #2 (To Bake a Christmas Cake) and #3 (Of The Hunters and Hunted) share some similar elements I AM NOT going to consider them canon to each other as that would effectively link #1 and #3, and I'm not certain I'm willing to combine those two into a megauniverse.

In general use italics is used for emphasis and for foriegn language text.
Parentheses are used for sound effects and for foriegn language text translations.

There are some elements that crept in from other sources the largest being identified at the end of the story. All such elements are happily noted and intended as homages.

As with #1 and #2 all feedback is appreciated.

[Mitchell]

Where's your links to 1 and 2, Reif-San?

[Reif]

Ah good point.

For those that missed them when they first came out.

Link to my first story - The Succubus' Wedding Night
http://www.process-productions.com/f...ad.php?t=15121

Link to my second story - To Bake a Christmas Cake
http://www.process-productions.com/f...ad.php?t=15217

[Hardcase]

Let me just say this...

Wow.

Well defined characters, an interesting setting, and amazing description. At 86 pages (in Word), this is an epic. Epic describes the scope and play of the work as well.

Well done!

[MeMyselfI]

Simply awesome.

I'm hoping there will be a sequel someday. Your universe is too well-crafted not to continue.

[Reif]

I'm definitely planning a followup. I spent way too long hashing out the ground rules to keep everything consistent to not do a follow up, but It's not going to happen immediately, I need a break after this effort. Still I've already considered a skeletal plot.

One scrumptious virtual cookie to whoever guesses the antagonist in volume 2 based on the characters established in OTHH (here's a hint, its not Bruce.)

The discerning observer might also note that our two heroines might not be as alone as they think. 2nd virtual cookie to whoever puzzles that out.

[Leonides]

Mmm. Quite good. You're very talented. I loved the description and process and I can't wait for more... Keep it up.

[frice2000]

That was an excellent story. I really hope you have some sort of career as a writer of some kind because you obviously have the talent to make it as a full featured writer. The stories universe was very well constructed, and very interesting. The way you have it constructed it fits right in with the whole gritty dark violent fantasy/scifi fiction that's so popular right now and if you remove the TG elements I could easily see this story being sold in book form it was very well done. If you created the whole universe yourself with little or no inspiration from anything else...wow...Very well done. It's always nice to read a TG fiction with plot, but you took that to another level. An interesting back story and a phenomenal transformation scene that was extremely slow and vividly done? Can't ask for anything more. Its too bad that the vast majority of readers of this type of fiction will likely not appreciate reading through such a long story to get to the "money material". They have no idea what in the end they will be missing.

My only problems with the story you created was that I wish Robin's power wasn't so high to start with. Would have been more interesting to see it grow over time especially if you make a set of sequels going in to the future. However, that's more a problem of what I would like to see rather then any sort of problem with your storytelling technique so I would say just disregard that :P. My other problem was that the other Hunters motivations weren't gone into. I know that may have bogged down the narrative but knowing why the others and not just Sven was hunting them so strongly would have been interesting. It also would have been interesting to learn more about the bureaucracy of that organization. Maybe a sequel from their perspective with one of them infected and trying to hide it or escape could be interesting?

The only other weak point for me was the sex scene at the end. It was very well written and very well done and I know that it was supposed to in the end be a bit of erotica however, the rest of the story was so well done as a SciFi/Fantasy style novel that it just felt out of place. I honestly forgot that I was reading a story downloaded from this site and thought I was just reading a professional novel.

If the motivation strikes you I would definitely try to rework the story and submit it to major book publishers. I think the quality was definitely there. All in all SUPERB story and I eagerly await a sequel within this universe (PLEASE do sequels in this universe) or anything else you write. Once again considering your level of improvement with each story thus far I expect the next one to be mind bogglingly good. You're setting the bar higher and higher with each story you write. Excellent story thanks so much for sharing it.

Oh and P.S. if you could upload the story in PDF format so I have an easier time converting it to something else it would be most appreciated. Thanks .

Originally Posted by Reif

The discerning observer might also note that our two heroines might not be as alone as they think. 2nd virtual cookie to whoever puzzles that out.

I assume that the person that was telling Bruce not to kill the Hunter brutally was one of the "Goddess" super high class witches you talked about earlier in the story? Whats my prize >.>?

[garycamaro86]

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[Reif]

Thanks for all the encouragement, it is greatly appreciated.

@ Frice

The issue with Greg/Robin's power was a thorny one. The question became how did I make Robin a credible threat to Estelle while keeping Estelle and Marion as potent Witches without having to resort to a deus ex machina device (which to some small degree I ultimately did). In volume 2, I'm definitely going to hit on the whole "power without skill" note again concerning Robin.

I thought I did pretty good job of making the Hunter's motivation as a whole clear through Bruce when he was speaking to Jennifer. I could have spent some more time on Diego and Carl but I was concerned about adding more exposition when I didn't have any immediate plans for those characters.

If you didn't notice the source for the "bonus" song at the end you might want to check again. While my story is radically different from the Witch Hunter Robin series with the ideas and words of OTHH being my own, the overall mood was inspired from that source.

The whole tail end of the story and thus by definition the lesbian scene suffered slightly from my own mental fatigue. Since often I was having to put down and then pick up writing where I left off, I often had to reread earlier sections to get back into the flow. Thus the earlier chapters benefitted from more editing passes. After a break from this material I might go back and do some more polish work so that chapter 13 is as polished as chapter 1.

It did occur to me several times that I would essentially have a short TG novel by the end, but I'm not sure that this would be particularly suitable for publishing. Simply reworking it by eliminating the TG would kill about 1/3 of the length and a good deal of my interest.

I said you get one, super delicious imaginary cookie for guessing right, but you mixed up Greg/Robin with Bruce the Hunter...I'll let you slide this time.

As to volume 2...You haven't guessed the villain (remember its not primarily Bruce) once you get that, think real hard about who of the characters I've developed has the greatest beef with that person.

[iamlampy]

That is an amazing story! Thank you so much for writing and posting. The description of the transformation is so visual - I loved it.

[eglover]

I agree, this was a wonderful story with a rich world full of characters that were far more than just one-dimensional.
Excellent work and I would love to read a sequel.