Disobedience is Forbidden (AR/AP/Multiple)

[godleydemon]

Originally Posted by somnium

I'm glad to see that you're writing again! Since you've given me so many helpful criticisms, I couldn't wait to read this.

There's a slight formatting problem where multiple people are speaking in the same paragraph. It would be clearer to read if each time a new character spoke, their dialogue started on a new line.

This is a good set-up. Your anime influences are clearly showing in the appearance and presentation of your supporting characters. Cassandra, Gabriel, Raven, and the others feel like anime characters, though Nadya seems less the anime type and seems more like a real-world person caught up in this anime-influenced world.

The question I have is why Gabriel and the others want Nadya to train their employees. The cat-girls caught her easily, and Nadya couldn't even touch them when she tried to escape. I assume that there are more employees that are nowhere near as enhanced as the cat-girls.

There's one more question I have (not a criticism, just a curiosity): what does Midgard do? They have powerful technology and abilities, so what do they use it for?

I like the distinct stages of regression Nadya goes through. She has distinct body-types the younger she gets, and her mood changes depending upon those types. The regressions are great! I can't wait to see more of them, though these will stick out in my mind for a good while.

Thanks for the story!

Thanks a ton bud! XD yeah I'm struggling with trying to figure out the formatting, it's been a little while since I've written and I'm also trying a new style of writing that I'm not used to.

Eventually the story is going to get to what Midgard does, but I'll go ahead and just say it here, since it's a little anticlimactic. They exist purely for themselves and to help medical advancement from the shadows. They operate completely outside of laws, government and everything else. Unfortunately, they're also an extremely real threat to the world if the population of Midgard ever got a hair up it's butt so the world governments are quite afraid of them. What they're afraid of though, is someone stealing the technology first.

What it comes down to with the girls though, is a little more interesting. Cassandra kind of put it out there, "They're stronger than a human and faster than a human, but they have no technique." Meaning they're gullible, rash to act and could get themselves killed by getting them into a situation they can't escape from. Sure they knocked Nadya out, but by getting the jump on her. She couldn't beat Sasha, but that's because she didn't have her usual tools of the trade and wasn't expecting such a small dainty cat girl to pack such a punch. What if she had intel, knew what to expect and went in expecting such a fight? She's a top trained spy/assassin, she probably could take at least one of them out, even though it'd be a tough fight.

Nadya will get her time to shine soon enough I've just been really busy at work lately. Now if only I could get you to write the next part of the sponge girl story on your deviant art lmao

Also as a quick note, yes, my anime influences are shining quite brightly right now lol. I've tried to write it in the kind of vein of "Protag stuck in another world" genre but with a slightly twist on it's head. XD Though I quite enjoy Tia, many of my friends seem to like her as well. She'll be pulling some more pranks here soon I'm sure