Matt's BE Thread

[Lurking Guy]

Originally Posted by Matsu-sensei

How so? Supposed to be cliche "kyaaaaah don't look", "oh no boobs don't hit me I didn't mean it"?

The form of speech is awkward for casual conversation.

Brothers and sisters, lovers, close friends, even strangers: none of them talk to each other in the oddly uniform and almost robotic way you write. Matt and Mattie speak like they're indirectly addressing the audience, rather than having a comfortable chat. It's similar to how many comics have characters who will interact purely for exposition or re-capping, but this feels far more...stiff(?), I guess.

You could easily convey the same points and statements that you are trying to make now, as well as keep any sort of emotions you try to build in the characters, while giving the conversation a better sense of flow and realism.

In conclusion; EDITING IS KING! Start with your initial idea, and write the full transcript, and then look at it again outside of your own perspective, as an outsider, a viewer. From there, revise for flow, character traits, emotion, interaction, etc. Good editing of your writing is key when telling a story! Let your passion burn through the page, let the sentiments run wild and grip the reader!!

Of course, I'm not trying to say "LOL, U SUK, I DUN LIKE THIS." Rather, I think you can improve upon your own writing style.